Nonsensical no-bids. Some organizations offer sole-source contracts to a company rather than requiring a fair and competitive bidding process. This makes the supplier complacent and dependent, over time, never having had to win the business.
Guaranteed gratuities. Restaurant servers receive a 10% – 20% tip, regardless of the service they provide. This teaches servers that halfhearted work still gets a reward. So why try harder? Their complacency ultimately hurts the restaurant because a superior customer experience is built on the establishment’s ambiance, food, and service.
Automatic rewards. Annual bonuses are sometimes based on employee tenure or “just showing up” rather than on merit. If high performers receive the same performance reviews and compensation that mediocre employees receive, then we shouldn’t be surprised by complacency and apathy.
Gifts of graduation. Students are promoted to the next grade level regardless of whether they’ve met the minimum requirements. This “easy path” through school is sure to catch up with the students one day.
“Yes” — the most common cop-out. When we say “yes” to kids merely to placate them, or avoid a scene in public, they never learn the difference between right and wrong. Saying “no” to your children, when appropriate, is an act of love.
Unqualified quotas. If opportunity is provided to an individual based on special quotas rather than on his or her true qualifications, will this person use quotas as a crutch throughout life?
Questionable quid pro quos. Special favors doled out through nepotism or a quid pro quo rather than through earning a seat at the table have a real downside. Although these recipients may make it to the front of the line, the question remains whether they’re up to the job.
Mediocre meritocracy. Some organizations fail to counsel mediocre performers. Mistakes ultimately become poor habits. Allowing employees to “get by” in this way helps neither the employees nor the organization.
Emotional excuses. Often, appeals are issued that encourage people to buy from a specific source (i.e., “buy American,” buy union shop, buy local), regardless of the value offered. This may kill the incentive to be more competitive, only postponing the day of reckoning when value triumphs (as it commonly does).
Empty entitlements. Providing government services, in some cases for generations, rather than helping people to get back on their feet and provide for themselves is a sure path to dependency and helplessness.
Sometimes, well-intentioned plans have unintended consequences. We impose a mandatory gratuity so that the server doesn’t get stiffed; we steer people to buy “Made in USA” because we’re patriotic; we let the mediocre employees “skate” because they’re the breadwinners for their families; we say “yes” to our kids because, you know, we’re their parents and we want them to be happy. Even though our efforts may help the recipients in the short term, we are making them dependent on our good graces, rather than preparing them to accept personal responsibility for their future.
This is adapted from Follow Your Conscience: Make a Difference in Your Life & in the Lives of Others By Frank Sonnenberg © 2014 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.
Additional Reading:
You Can’t Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Be Helped
Earning Success the Old-fashioned Way
Personal Responsibility: The Buck Stops with You
Dependency: Killing People with Kindness
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Frank, I continue to read your blogs with great interest. Your observations are timely and insighful. They are applicable to management practices but also transcend home life! Keep up the great work. We need more management coaches with such great insights!
Thanks so much, David. I appreciate it. I hope all is well.
Best,
Frank
I’m sure your thought on government services needing a return-to-work goal is valid. Not all of us who accept (gratefully) government help are made helpless. I hate the stigma of needing help from the government, but prided myself each time I was able to get in a position to be financially self-sufficient. Perhaps there’s an element of personal integrity, ethics and pride that belongs to the whole equation. It can be excruciatingly painful to have to accept help while being aware of how many people negatively view the recipients thereof.
Hi Kathy
I believe we should make every effort to help the downtrodden get back on their feet, but we shouldn’t absolve them of their personal responsibility to secure a better future for themselves and their families.
When we encourage people to become completely dependent on the goodness of others for their livelihoods or achievements — when we reward people for lack of effort and personal initiative — we strip them of their confidence, trample on their dignity, and kill their will to improve themselves.
The truth is, compassion shouldn’t be measured by the size of a handout, but by our ability to provide opportunity to reduce dependency, enabling people to become self-sufficient and helping them to realize their dreams. As Paul Ryan once said, “We don’t want to turn the safety net into a hammock that lulls able-bodied people into complacency and dependence.”
In order to achieve success, we must invest in our kids by providing them with a strong family structure and a world-class education. Additionally, we must instill in them solid values and a strong work ethic.
Have a wonderful week.
Best,
Frank
Hi Frank,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I agree.
Hoping you & your loved ones have a healthy, happy Thanksgiving.
Gratefully,
Kathy