Do you think before you make a promise to someone? What if you can’t deliver on your word? Does it really matter? The world isn’t going to come to an end, is it? Well, actually no, but have you considered . . .
Many people are pretty casual about making promises. As a result, promises are frequently made at the drop of a hat with no real intention of keeping them. “Let’s do lunch,” “I’ll call you later,” and “I’ll be there in five minutes” are all examples of throwaway promises that are frequently made but seldom kept. However, this casual attitude can have real consequences.
When you break a promise, no matter how small it may seem to you, alarm bells aren’t going to go off, but it can damage a relationship or your reputation. Think about it — when someone else breaks a promise to you, or gets caught in a lie, doesn’t that make you feel violated or cheated? You can’t help wondering whether you were wrong to ever trust that person.
Getting away with a lie can also be dangerous because it fools liars into believing they’re invincible and that they have little chance of getting caught. Before you know it, lying can become a habit, forcing liars to spend precious time and energy keeping their stories straight. Once others learn about the lies, some people may forgive, but they surely won’t forget.
Promise to Tell the Whole Truth
A promise is a promise. Some folks apply a rating scale, believing that breaking a big promise is inexcusable, while a small one is acceptable. That’s simply false. While breaking a big promise, such as failing to repay borrowed money, can torpedo a relationship, reneging on promises, such as being on time, casts doubt on future behavior.
Remember, trust is built through a series of experiences shared with others. When behavior is consistent, faith in the relationship develops. When promises are broken or people are misled, the bonds of trust are breached.
Broken promises imply that the offenders either didn’t think before making the promises, or don’t care that they’ve let you down. They’re also implying that their needs are more important than yours. So, be careful about the promises that you make and with whom you make them.
Never promise the moon. If you can’t keep a promise, don’t make it. For example, you may not be able to guarantee someone a five percent investment return, but you can show them your track record and promise them that you’ll work hard on their behalf; you can’t guarantee that you’ll arrive in two hours, but you can promise that you’re going to leave at 10am; you can’t promise anyone sunny weather, but you can promise to hold the umbrella open for them if it rains.
Some broken promises are excusable. If you can’t deliver something on time because of an uncontrollable event, such as a family illness, most people will understand that the lapse was unintentional. On the other hand, breaking a promise intentionally (oversleeping) is different — you’ll have to face the consequences.
When you distort the truth by exaggerating, spinning the truth, or withholding key facts, you also weaken your credibility for the future.
Half the truth is often a whole lie. Lying comes in many forms. Some people exaggerate or stretch the truth to make something look more attractive. Others “spin the truth” by presenting “selected” facts that support their position. Withholding key facts is also lying — it’s clearly meant to deceive. When you tell a lie, everything that you say in the future may be treated as suspect. As Friedrich Nietzsche said, “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
When people are dishonest, they send the message that they lied because either they don’t have a strong case or they have something to hide. Once they’re caught in the act, liars will find that others may start requesting everything in writing, may start looking over their shoulder, and may question their motives. Most importantly, after they lie, everything said from that point forward won’t carry the same credibility.
You’re judged by the company you keep. When people cover for the misdeeds of others, they’re as guilty as those who committed the “crimes.” If you’re tempted to cover for someone else, first consider whether it’s worthwhile to put your own reputation on the line for anyone who’s undeserving of your good name.
Your Word Is Your Bond
There was a time when keeping your word held special significance. We took great pride in being of good character. Personal integrity was both expected and valued. That was a time when everyone knew each other’s family, and you wouldn’t do anything that would cast a shadow on your family’s good name. It was a time when integrity was instilled in children at a very early age and was viewed as instrumental in achieving success. The truth is, our world may have changed, but the importance of integrity has not. While we may not know everyone in our own town, the world is still smaller than you think. Create some bad news and you’ll learn this for yourself.
Every time you give your word, you’re putting your honor on the line. You’re implying that others can place their trust in you because you value integrity and would never let them down. It goes without saying that if you don’t live up to your word, you may end up tarnishing your credibility, damaging your relationships, and defaming your reputation. Most importantly, you’ll be letting yourself down.
But . . . when you operate with complete integrity, what you say will be taken at face value, your intentions will be assumed honorable, and your handshake will be as good as a contract. Most importantly, you can take great pride in the standards that you’ve set for yourself and sleep well at night knowing that your conscience is clear. As for others . . . just when they think they’re fooling the world, they’ll realize that they’re only fooling themselves. A promise is a promise after all.
What do you think? Are people too casual about making promises?
Additional Reading:
Broken Promises, Broken Commitments
Reputation: You Can’t Run From Your Shadow
Why Do You Trust Some People and Mistrust Others?
Do You Deserve to Be trusted?
Live With Honor and Integrity
9 Powerful Reasons Why Your Moral Character Matters
Honor: Your Word Is Your Bond
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I believe in this message and I can already guess what sort of supportive comments it will receive by the audiences who frequent this blog. I would assume most of the readers & commentators are also people of integrity who value trust, relationships and keeping promises. However, I’d love nothing more than for one ‘non-believer’ of this principle, one liar who lurks in those shadows, one person who’s deceit has maybe marred someone in the past or is just about to any second, read this and realize what they’re doing to themselves, their reputation and their relationships and have a true A-ha moment. Yeah, maybe I’m a dreamer and although sharing this message far and wide could be a great step towards that, the better act is to just embrace truth and reflect it in everything you do and every little or big promise you make. Be en example. Start today. I promised I’d cook shrimp for dinner. I promised I’d start that book my wife left out for me. I promised a colleague I’d look back thru old files for something they need. I promised to get on the road before 8:15! Yikes, I better get on it…my reputation is depending on me. (thanks Frank)
Hi Marc
For someone of high integrity, this sounds so logical. But, sometimes we make a promise without intending to. (ouch) It’s important to be conscious of the promises we make. And, when we make one we must keep it.
Now, for those people who don’t care, I feel sorry for them. Life is a lot easier and more rewarding when you care about trust.
Best,
Frank
I frequently break my word, I have decided to change. I didn’t realize integrity was such an important thing. Thank you so much.
Akash
I’m so glad you decided to change.
The real benefit of being honorable isn’t how others view you, but rather, how you view yourself. When you live with integrity, you don’t have to worry about inconsistencies, remember what you said to whom, or play games. There’s no need to fear embarrassment, no need to hide in the shadows or to live in shame. When you live with honor, you’re comfortable in your skin and totally authentic. As former Senator Alan K. Simpson said, “If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.”
Keep those promises that you make to others –– and to yourself.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Frank- imagine if every one of your readers copy/pasted the following 3 sentences and shared them with their respective social networks.
“Remember, trust is built through a series of experiences shared with others. When behavior is consistent, faith in the relationship develops. When promises are broken or people are misled, the bonds of trust are breached.”
Unfortunately we live in an age with few role models. Instead of seeking something, or someone to emulate, become that “someone.”
Barbara Kimmel, Executive Director
Trust Across America – Trust Around the World
Perfect Barbara.
I’d like to add a fourth sentence to the three that you mentioned. . . “Trust takes long time to develop, but it can be lost in the blink of an eye.” Promises are an important element of a trusting relationship.
The part of this that I fail to understand is that some people think they’re doing us a favor by being trustworthy. Trust is the cement that binds relationships, keeping spouses together, business deals intact, and political systems stable. Without trust, marriages fail, voters become apathetic, and organizations flounder.
Thank you for the wonderful work that you’re doing at Trust Across America!
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
“Our world may have changed, but the importance of integrity has not.” I just love this simple statement because it’s another reminder that cyber culture is eroding human interaction/relationships and that we need to change that.
I also have to comment on your above response to Barbara. Why is it people think they’re doing us a favor by being trustworthy? This seems to go hand in hand with: why is it we’re pleasantly surprised when people do a good job; show up on time; actually get back to us when they say they will, etc.? It says a lot about what needs to change in our society.
Hi Rossana
You make some great points. I believe the more we discuss the importance of personal values and begin to hold people accountable for their words AND actions, the more things will improve.
We can’t wait for others to make the first move. It’s our responsibility to make that happen. We can’t change the world, but we can change the world around us.
Thanks, as always, for your encouragement and support.
Best,
Frank
This is such a great post!
Too many people just completely ignore promises. In business and in personal life. It’s really no wonder why FB has overtaken real life when it comes to socializing… nobody ever even keeps their “promise” to show up in real life, choosing instead to take a more exciting or more recent offer instead of sticking to their first commitment.
I suspect there is something about personable accountability, which is a completely extinct and antiquated ideal, apparently, that is somehow involved in this societal shift.
Hi Jason
Thanks for your kind words. You’re the second person who mentioned the impact of social media on personal values. My hope is that over time, we’ll understand the strengths and weaknesses of social media –– and begin to change our ways.
One of the things that I’ve learned from blogging, is that readers get a lot out of the comments. You and Rossana just gave me the inspiration to write a post addressing social media. (More to come)
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
What a great conversation you have started about promises!
I know for me, I don’t use the word promise. I have erased it from my vocabulary completely.
I know the worth of a promise and I know that sometimes making a promise can come with a price.
As for me: “I give my word” this is my way of saying you can count on me, and then I always try to go the extra mile. (if i can )
Your post touched me deeply – it provoked some deep contemplation which I truly appreciate, Thanks again Frank for writing a great article.
Lolly
Hi Lolly
You bring up some interesting points.
Perception is reality. So, even though you may not think that you’re making a “promise,” “giving your word” is the same thing as making a promise. The good thing is that you “always try to go the extra mile.” Anyone who knows you well, knows that you are a person of high integrity.
Wouldn’t this be a better world if everyone cared about making / keeping promises? And, when they did… They under-promised and over-delivered
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
It has been my experience that many individuals talk before they think.
Hi Marc
So . . . we talk before we think, hit send before we proofread, and vote before we read the bill. I think it’s time to read my post, “Winging It Through Life” 🙂
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Like this post, Frank. I always remember the saying…a promise is a promise. I guess the times they are a changin’ and people no longer know what a promise entails and the impact of breaking one. I would hate to think that we are becoming apathetic. I know that I haven’t kept all the promises that I have made in my life but I certainly have learned what is at stake. It’s disturbing when people are so nonchalant about giving, something as valuable as, their word.
Hi Pat
You make a valuable point, “people no longer know what a promise entails and the impact of breaking one.” That really resonates with me.
I believe we have two responsibilities. First we must serve as good role models and take our promises seriously. Second, everyone should be accountable for their actions. If poor behavior doesn’t have consequences, we essentially encourage it. We teach kids the difference between right and wrong by calling them out when they misbehave. Maybe, some grownups deserve to be treated like children.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Best,
Frank
Frank – this is an all important message that we do somehow seem to forget as we move through life now so quickly. You have definitely captured a good snap-shot of a wonderful lesson I will remember to pass on to future generations.
Appreciate your deep thoughts as always,
Leesa
Thanks so much Leesa 🙂 I’m so glad that it hit home for you.
Best,
Frank
Frank, I’ve always believed if my name is attached to it? Its getting done, period. I take promises seriously, its my word, and it means everything to me. Great blog entry Frank. E(=
Hi Eric
It doesn’t surprise me a bit that you take your promises seriously. I find that most successful people have that trait in common.
Have an awesome evening my friend.
Best,
Frank
I think there are times when it is more harmful to keep a promise than to break it. I know someone who promised his daughter, after she attempted suicide, that he wouldn’t tell anyone. So the help and support he needs to help her aren’t coming is way because no one can read his mind. He has lost many dates because he won’t tell his date what the latest crisis is about. He is trapped in a lot of pain. The pressure on him to fix this is incredible. I would probably break the promise and when she was in a healthy spot, I would tell her then.
Hi Andrea
I understand what you’re saying and I empathize with you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s daughter and the pain that he’s going through. I am not an expert in this area, so I can’t offer any advice. My hope is that they ultimately seek the support and advice of a professional who can help them.
Best,
Frank
I prefer agreements to promises.
A promise to me only takes one person to make an agreement takes two, so we are equally responsible.
I think we compromise ourselves by making a promise and funny how the word compromise is com promise.
That’s a very interesting point Des. I’ll have to remember that 🙂
Best,
Frank
Thank you for this article. I graduated a few years ago getting my GED. A lot of people did something for me. The people that I thought I mattered to them they’ve ruined my moment with broken promises. I have trouble letting go. In fact, I am somebody that takes things to heart a lot. This topic promises helped me see things in a different way. I still need to heal from these scars. Anyway, I appreciate your article. I feel real good reading like things make sense. Keep it up.
Hi Filiberto
I’m sorry to hear that some people let you down. That’s especially hard when they are close to you. On the positive side, it’s great that you got your GED. It’ll serve you well for the rest of your life.You may be interested in another article that I wrote, “Forgiveness: It’s Good For You.” It may help you get through your disappointment. Have a wonderful day!
https://www.franksonnenbergonline.com/blog/forgiveness-its-good-for-you/
Best,
Frank
A couple people, who mattered a lot to me, whom I trusted and would have done everything for including dieing for them if needed, broke their promises.Promises we made to one another.I kept those promises, but they broke them.It still hurts.
Promises matter to me because a promise, for me, it is a symbol of bonding, friendship, when two people trust each other, care for each other and don’t want to let one another down.
It is like making plans, and you put emphasis in your life on those plans, your world depends on those promises and then all of a sudden, you lose everything.Nothing hurts like a broken promise.I only broke promises when I had no other choice.But else, I know I can’t rest at night if I won’t keep my promise.Someone depends on me, so I have to be there for that person.I got to keep my promise.
People make promises way too easy these days, and honor doesn’t matter much to them anymore.Everyone is upset when someone breaks a promise.But when they, themselves break that promise, they act like it’s nothing.”What’s your problem?” My “friend” asked me after I told them how much that promise meant to me.
Anyway.Wonderful article and glad to know there are people in this world who feel the same way.”A promise is a promise”.
Hi Stefana
I’m sorry that your friends let you down. The truth is, they also let themselves down. Some people view promises as hollow words that can be broken at will. But they’re the first ones to be surprised when people don’t trust or respect them. It amazes me that folks can live that way. It shows how little respect they have for others much less themselves. The bottom line is that making a promise puts your honor on the line. For good people in the world, that means something.
Best,
Frank
I’ve promised my Girlfriend something that j cannot fulfill and I’m caught in a dilemma. On one end I am certain that we both knows that the promised I made was not going to help us grow. To her, it means not fulfilling my promise and it means trust issues. I’m lost as to what I can do now.
Hi Vince
It’s difficult for me to offer advice without knowing the situation such as whether the promise was broken because you can’t or won’t keep it.
I’ve learned that lasting relationships are built on open and honest communication. Talk the issue through with your girlfriend. That’s always a good place to start.
Best,
Frank
I was happy when I got in touch with an old friend on social media, we chatted loads and there was an connection. He promised to meet up, catch up in person but it never happened. We only live 20 minutes away from each other! I’m not a needy person but I took his word and felt let down when it never happened. Am I being too sensitive? I don’t think so, as I put my trust in this person and he let me down. As I result, I’m off social media now, can’t be doing with the nonsense that goes on.
Hi Kath
I’m sorry for the delay in responding to your comment.
I understand why you’re upset. Some folks think BIG promises must be kept, but small ones don’t. The truth is, consistency and reliability are key elements of trust. My guess is, it may be a little early to give up hope. He may have a good reason for not reaching out to you. Time will tell.
Best,
Frank
The worse promise to make is that you will be with someone one day in the future. Then to have them say that they dont want to keep that promise anymore. But the person who wants to keep the promise never forgets and holds on even if they try to move on. The promise will be dug deep inside ones heart and subconscious…. I try to move on with my life and not let that promise consume me, but its hard. I am trying to move on with my life but he pops in my head all the time. Its my own fault when the relationship ended. I did cheat a lot. But i was only 16-18 yrs old and i was going through a lot of shit at home, and i lived in the opposite side of the city than him.. I know that’s not much of an excuse. At the end of the day im still in love with him and i still want him to be the one i spend the rest of my life with. But that’s never going to happen. Im in a relationship with someone and hes getting married to someone. But still my heart holds on to that promise because its important to me still. We dated for on and off for 4 years and i havent seen him in 4. We will probably never be together. But i will try to keep the other promise i made to him. Which is no matter what ill always try to be happy.
I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship, Clo. It hurts. The only thing I can say is, I hope that time heals your wounds and that you’re able to keep the other promise that you made… that you’ll always try to be happy.
Best,
Frank
My husband Alway promise me and Alway disappoint me by not fulfilling his promises .because his this u habbit I broken down …Alway live in stress irritated…I don’t know what to do now…I am able escape from this ..plz help me..
Hi Prity
I suggest that you talk with him. He may be unaware how much broken promises bother you. Unfortunately, we can’t make someone else change; it has to come from them.
Best,
Frank
Repeated broken promises can also cause serious, permanent problems. I am bedridden and depend on my husband for food, to get me to dr. appointments and keep the house livable. Since it is just he (kids are grown) that uses any part of the house beyond my sickbed there should not be as much work as what he left me alone to do three days every week caring for his children, far beyond the limitations posed by my health causing rapid deterioration in what health I had left. This is one of the two reasons I am now bedridden, the other was not being allowed (still occurs) to see my doctor for regular follow-up. Today I got yelled at because he failed to pick up a birthday card I asked for a month in advance and then I reminded him a week in advance, plenty of time to get there for my loved one’s special day. It will get mailed a day before so will not make it on time and I was upset, but I got yelled at for being upset.
At least I am not the only person who believes your word in your bond. Thank you for this great article, though it will not set my husband on track—that’s a lost cause—but it restores my faith in humans anyway. Maybe one day, before I pass on, I will be lucky enough to meet someone else who believes it too.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. I hope you find peace and that your story has a happy ending.
Best,
Frank
I was selling an item, notebook computer, on Craig’s list and gave my word to a guy he could have it for $100. Then someone came behind him and offered $125 if I sold to him.I needed the more money so I broke my word with the first guy and gave my word to sell it to the person offering the most. I tried to justify it by saying I did not know the guy, but your word is your word. Now I feel bad and wanted to apologize to the first guy for breaking my word but he won’t answer. I don’t blame him and I’ve learned my lesson about keeping my word. Thanks for a great article.
Hi Beth
I’m sure a lot of people can relate to your story.
There are times when temptation comes knocking at our door. Our choice is to give into it or live with honor and integrity. Only you know which path is right for you.
Let’s see what you do the next time a similar situation comes to pass.
Have an awesome weekend!
Best,
Frank
I helped to do everything I can for someone I love he has screwed with my head in so many ways but I am upset with myself that I let it happen but was not still completely recovering from someone else that was very abusive. this person knew that the loan he offered and promised me would’ve not only helped me but as well made things better for anyone around me including him n I am stuck because of his false promise.
he makes excuses as to it, yet hes out spending money on everything n anything …what kills me is he has himself needed a few loans while I was with him and were talking 10K 7k 8k I was asking for 1500hundred n was going to give it back to him esp bc of how thankful I would’ve been …
he completely dissed me on this n I am sick over it. he doesn’t care about my future only his needs even after I helped his mom with two bad knees and having to go through surgery while her husband (his dad) was sick with cancer after having a stroke!!
so I helped care for him til the moment I was holding his hand while he was on his death bed bc he had to worry about going to work. I did it with love he makes any excuse as a reason not to honor his word on what he promised me…even after I cared for his ailing family member …
Hi Jes
I’m so sorry that your boyfriend made promises to you and then broke them.
We all get to choose how we live our life. Some folks do so with honor and integrity while others choose the opposite path. I know the route that you and I have chosen. I am a firm believer in karma…If you do good in the world, it will come back to you. Keep the faith.
Thanks for taking the time to write .
Best,
Frank
I have just read this post. I am ill and physically dependent on my mother. We came to a compromise that she goes out 3/4 days of the week, for example lunch with her friends or an activity with niece and nephew etc. I am pretty much bed bound and feel vulnerable a lot of the time. So she never sticks to it. If I was really honest I would never want to be on my own but I am understanding and going out 4 times a week seemed fair. She goes out almost every day and has completely ignored the rational and understanding conversation we had. It hurts. It hurts that she doesn’t see how hard it is for me and I hate being on my own when I can’t walk to the bathroom or get up to get food. I also get lonely but I have to sleep a lot so I am not awake a lot to be able to speak at any length. She doesn’t understand he trust that gets broken.
Hi Helen
I’m at a loss for words. It’s unfortunate that you’re having trust issues with your caregiver in a time when you need the extra support. You’ll be in our thoughts and prayers.
Best,
Frank
Warms regards,
It’s very pleasant to find you, I am 17yrs old and currently I have published my first book and there is nobody coming forward for the help. So it’s a humble request to you sir that I currently wrote my first motivational book moreover with due respect , I want you to write the review for it, it’s a request sir.
Write your decision via email – gayatridodo@gmail.com
Thanking you
Ankit
Hi Ankit
Congratulations on the book. That’s wonderful. I sent you my reply via email as requested.
Best,
Frank
But what if by keeping your promise you would do a bad thing. For example if you promised to help your friend in doing something really bad like cheating or something that simply doesent go with your ethics, and you promised him that because you thought that he isn’t really intending in doing that, he was your friend he was asking for help. But now you realise that he is really intending to do that and you know it’s bad. Should you keep such promise and possibly lose your reputation and the way others see you, just to keep promise to one person who you can’t persuade not to do a bad thing?
Good question Marcus.
First of all, we should be very careful when we make promises. I hope you never find yourself in a position of promising someone to help them do something unethical.
My problem with fulfilling that promise — and helping him— wouldn’t be that I’d be scared of hurting my reputation, I’d be concerned that I have to face myself in the mirror.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
My daughters boy asked me And her father for hand in marriage. We agreeded on two conditions: 1 my daughter stays close to home. And it be a long engagement (2 years plus) . 6 weeks later they came to the house and told us she was going to move to virgina after graduation (college,both are only 21) and within a year. This has broken my heart and i have no trust for this guy because they knew all along before making the promises what their intention where. So i really dont want anything to do with him or his family. I am just not dealing with this very well. I can never trust him again.
Hi Rhonda
I understand what you’re saying and see why you’re so upset.
I believe it’s important to think beyond today and decide what you want to achieve in the long-term. (How will it impact your relationship with your daughter and her relationship with her husband? Furthermore, how will your feelings impact everyone’s happiness?) As they say, would you rather be happy or right?
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Hi,
first, I agree with what you say, Frank.
But I have broken my word, very slowly. I promised to her that I would go the extra mile to help her heal, for us to be good together (not always happy, because that is unrealistic).
I ran into unforeseen problems. Graduation was much more stressfull than I had anticipated and it didn’t get much better after that. I didn’t know how to deal with the stress and when I came home, she was there waiting for me, hoping I would be there with her. But I was exhausted and took that as an excuse. At first, this was only a bit, but I more and more left her alone in a sense.
She waited. 4 years have passed. She begged, I grew indifferent.
“you shouldn’t expect me to keep such an old promise when the circumstances are so hard for me” Is what I said.
2 more years have passed. She moved out, we are friends. She started a relationship with someone else, which woke me up. She said she still loves me and if I manage to become the person that I promised I’d be, there would not be another man who could keep her.
I wonder if i should just move away, let her have a good life without me.
The other option is that I get my sh** together and finally deliver on the promise. But I’d first need to rebuild the trust, which takes a while, so she says, She’d need a guarantee that is more than just my word in order to be sure she is not taking a risk.
I know this is highly complicated, but does anyone have advice?
Hi Stefan
Unfortunately, without knowing you, it would be reckless for me to offer advice. That said, you have to reach deep within your soul to determine what’s right for both of you.
I suggest that you put yourself in each other’s shoes. Are you being honest and fair to each other? How would you feel if the tables were turned? Are you willing to make the sacrifices required to build a trusting relationship?
These are questions only you can answer. I know you’ll do what’s right.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
For eleven years I made excuses for my best friend, he would make arrangements and just not show up, he would tell me how much he and his family loved me, we were all so close, I hadn’t realised that saying nothing was teaching him how to treat me, sometimes I so resented his behaviour that I had to walk away and have some quiet time because I had no kind words to say to him but eventually things would be ok, once, over a period of three consecutive days he failed to show up, each evening promising to meet me the following day, I explained that this was shitty behaviour and he offered no excuse, six months later he was going through a very tough time with a family member, he would ring me two or three times a day to unload, he told me how much he loved me and how good a friend I was with every phone call, we were like brothers, I loved his children and they me, I hadn’t seen him in some weeks but we eventually agreed to meet on my day off, he didn’t show up and on that day something in me died, I no longer wanted to be an option to someone I made a priority. Eventually I explained to him that this was totally unacceptable and that I would no longer allow him to treat me this way, a promise has to be a promise… he told me he no longer wanted to be friends and threw me out of his family. Sad thing is I was the only person in his life who told him about keeping promises, the others in his life put up with it and gossip about it or walk out of his life, I wonder what makes a person need to know that somewhere, someone is waiting for them… other than his inability to keep a promise he was a lovely, fun, kind and generous man…but promises matter, if they don’t then neither do you…
Hi David
I’m sorry that you had to go through that experience. I just don’t understand people.
There is incredible wisdom in your analysis of the situation. Good for you!!! My hope is that your friend learned something too.
According to research, one of the top ingredients of securing happiness is healthy relationships. The truth is, you can’t have a strong relationship without trust.
The way I see it, a promise should be as binding as a contract.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Hello, I am Asma. Frankly, I used to love someone and I promised him that I would travel and meet him in July, but before I was also planning to go to study in another country and I would meet him during the summer vacation
But a situation happened to me that made me violate my promise to him and it is related to the future of my studies. My study request was rejected for the other country and the problem is that this is related to the promise I made because my sister will be responsible for my study expenses. I worked for a short period to get money to go to the country in which this man lives and fulfill the promise, but not I could because my sister would not allow me to visit him only if I was accepted in the other country and now my conscience is tormenting me. But I really tried to the best of my ability to be bad in this situation
Hi Asmaa
There are two ways that promises can be broken, one is out of your control and the other is not. Despite our best efforts, there’s nothing we can do to prevent unforeseen mishaps, as they are by their very nature out of our control. The second type however, is deliberate. Just by the very nature of your comment, “my conscience is tormenting me” I’m certain that you tried your best to live up to your word.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
thank you sir , your post about promises was helpful for students study, i like the meaning of every paragraph , very useful.and helpful
all i can say THANK YOU …
I HOPE WE CAN MEET SOON SIR IF I HAVE A MONEY TO TRAVEL
IM FROM PHILIPPINES
Hi Jhon
I’m so glad the students enjoyed this post. I try to balance theory with actionable steps so that readers can put lessons, such as the importance of keeping your promises, into practical use.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Dear Frank,
I love this story and your thought behind it, (even though I kinda have a problem with this myself), but what can you expect I’m a twelve-year-old kid who is still learning. Anyway, like I said nice story. I could use this. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Trevor Perez
Hi Trevor
Thanks. I’m glad you like it 🙂
As I say, “A promise should be as binding as a contract.”
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank