We baby our kids like infants; we coddle them like delicate crystal; and we pamper them like they’re totally incapable of surviving on their own. I can just hear the refrain, “Whatever you want, dear.” Are you preparing your kids for the real world?
If our kids confront adversity, we clear a path for them. If they lose by a mile, we give them trophies for trying. And, when they have trouble coping in the big bad world, it’s never our error for overprotecting them or their fault for being helpless — we condemn the system instead. That way, there are no losers.
Are we doing our kids a favor by making their life unrealistically easy? Or are we making it impossible for them to succeed when they go out into the real world — and reality hits them right between the eyes?
What happens when our kids encounter a competitive showdown, struggle with a personal tragedy, or face a challenge with impossible odds? Will you tell his opponents to take it easy on him because he’s fragile? Will you tell her teammates to pull a little harder because she needs a break? Will you tell his manager to promote him, not because he’s the most deserving, but because it’s his turn? Seriously! We fight their battles, protect them from meanies, and pretend they do no wrong — even when actions should have consequences. “What do they learn?” you ask. Nothing! What will they do when there’s no one to grease the skids for them or to get them off the hook? These little darlings will be unable to cope. And there won’t be anyone to protect, defend, or catch them before they fall. That has disaster written all over it.
Teach Your Children “How to Fish”
Are you preparing your kids for the real world? Here are 13 guideposts for your kids to follow through life:
- Be self-reliant. Don’t allow yourself to become overly dependent on others. It can’t be done for you; it must be done by you.
- Own your life. Make good choices and accept responsibility for your actions. Your life is determined by the sum of the choices that YOU make.
- Face the facts. Every day isn’t filled with rainbows. Be prepared to accept the good with the bad — even roses have thorns.
- Establish realistic expectations. You don’t get what you want; you get what you deserve. Period.
- Get your hands dirty. You’ll start at the bottom and remain there until you demonstrate you can handle more.
- Learn a thing or two. Allow your mentor to guide, but never to perform, an activity for you. This will instill confidence and ensure that learning takes place.
- Take it slow. Don’t bite off more than you can chew at first. Build confidence and momentum through small wins.
- Don’t blame — learn. Make mistakes when the consequences are small. That way, you’ll know exactly how to handle things when it matters most.
- Don’t baby yourself. Show some grit when you’re confronted by challenges. Determination is habit forming; so is quitting.
- Take one for the team. Work hard. You’re expected to pull your own weight, not to weigh down the team.
- Invest in yourself. Education and experience are precious. Everything you learn makes you more valuable, and the benefits will remain with you through life.
- Accept “no” as a gift. People who don’t indulge your every whim are teaching you “how to fish.” They’re giving you the gift of confidence, strength, and self-reliance.
- Work hard; work smart. Nothing is accomplished without hard work, dedication, and commitment. It takes many years to become an overnight success.
Preparing Your Kids for the Real World
If you want the best for your kids, give them a good education, instill good values, and set them free. It’s not easy to let go of the reins because we don’t want our kids to get hurt. But, if you’re preparing your kids for the real world, saying “no” to your children can be an act of love. Sure…they’ll hit some bumps along the way, but they’ll grow confident and resilient over time and will be forever grateful for your loving gift. When they were young, many of their books ended with the phrase, “They lived happily ever after.” I have a feeling that if you follow this formula, your story will have a happy ending, too.
Are You Preparing Your Kids for the Real World?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Are You Nurturing or Coddling?
Parenthood Isn’t Child’s Play
The Greatest Gift Parents Can Give Kids
Where Do Bullies Learn to Be So Mean?
25 Ways to Screw Up Your Kids
How to Pass Your Values On To Your Children
5 Powerful Truths for Raising Well-Adjusted Kids
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Wow Frank, you have written so much great stuff that I hesitate to call this one your “best ever” but if it isn’t it is darn close. Well done. I could quote the whole piece but just one: “Determination is habit forming. So is quitting.”
Thank you so much Augie. It means a lot coming from you.
You made a very important point when you shared my post on Facebook. I want to share it with everyone.
“Unfortunately we are usually very willing to invest heavily in reading, formal education and other forms of knowledge acquisition, but spend precious little time intentionally working on our character traits.”
Thanks, as always, for your sage advice.
Best,
Frank
Your article has some very true, hard hitting facts which we need to practice for our kids.
Loved reading and reflecting.In our enthusiasm to give them what we didn’t get, actually we are causing more harm than good.
God bless you!
Thank you Sunita.
We love out kids so much that we protect them from getting hurt. Sometimes, however, well-intentioned plans have unintended consequences. In this case, helping our kids too much only makes them helpless. I hope folks, everywhere, take a moment to think about this.
Thanks for taking the time to write. Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Words of Wisdom – for the well-meaning parents as well as the unsuspecting offspring struggling to recover from a young lifetime of hyper-coddling.
Well said, Camila 🙂 Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Great article but I am left with some doubts:
If there is bullying at school, how do i get to know about it and intervene in time?
If there is excess drinking in middle and high school?
When there is an epidemic of road accidents in our city and the whole country, shall I do something about it? Before the kids take the wheel?
Cases of sex abuse at school recently. What to do about it??
Great question, Humberto
You’re right…our kids face many tough issues, but I trust our kids to handle them.
I’m not advocating that a parent leave their kids completely unsupervised. It’s important to keep a watchful eye on them from a distance and be there for them if they need support.
Helicopter parenting is analogous to micromanaging in business. One of the hardest tasks any new manager faces is learning how to delegate an important project to another person. Delegating doesn’t mean walking away from an activity until it’s complete. Any good manager establishes key milestones and reviews progress along the way. The same can be said of parenting. The key, in both of these cases, is trust.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I would like to believe that I’ve raised my kids for the world out there. How to cope with conflict. How to cope with disappointment, a broken heart, self-reliance, independence etc.
I hope that I’ve done enough.
I’m sure you did, Suleila.
Give them a strong education, instill good values, and set them free.
We figured it out. I’m sure our kids are a lot smarter than us 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I’m going to be a bit contrary here. Most of this is good, but nothing is black and white. I was raised with these mantras, and have realized that they should serve more as guidelines not hard and fast rules. For example, “Don’t take the easy way out” has trapped me into doing things the hard way unnecessarily. I have a fifteen foot long ranch gate on my property, that I have been lifting and hefting open for more than twenty five years. One day recently my neighbor came by and said, “You know they make wheels for those things. I’ll bring one over.” Now I can open and close the gate effortlessly. I’m liking the easy way! I also want to address “Don’t be a quitter.” It should really be, “How to quit properly!” Sometimes you have to quit one thing to get on to something better. If you have honored your commitments, you can move on. My son was a straight A student in high school, honor society, first chair cello, etc and received many college scholarships. And he was miserable in college. I realized that he was doing it to make us happy. He didn’t want to disappoint us, and he didn’t know how to quit. One night after class he came in our room and I said, “Son, here’s the ladder.” He looked at me with a confused expression, so I continued, “I realize that we have put you up on such a high pedestal that you can’t figure out how to get down. Here’s the ladder. Finish out the year, thank the people who gave you the scholarships, and go out and find out who you really are.” My son finished the year at school and has never looked back. He is successfully and happily employed. Anyway, just a few thoughts to ponder. Thank you for your excellent posts!
You make an important point, Barbara
Some folks see everything as good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing. The truth is that most things in life lie somewhere in-between.
That being said, I still stand behind the premise that if you want your kids to be confident, learn important life skills, and have a strong self-image, don’t overprotect them or make their life unrealistically easy. While it’s tough to say “no” or to sit on the sidelines in the face of adversity, prepare them for the real world by teaching them to become self-reliant. That means promoting the value of hard work, making good choices, and insisting that they accept responsibility for their actions.
Therefore, if you want to give your kids the greatest gift of all, give them a good education, instill good values, inspire them, and set them free. Behind every good kid are parents or caregivers who understand the importance of raising them that way.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I’ve just discovered your materials, and I admit these is good stuff. Very enriching and mind changing. You are a tool of influence in this day and age. Be blessed.
Thank you, Amos. I’m glad you like it. Feel free share the posts with others who can benefit from the information.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank