Were you ever in a store and thought, I can’t believe how those parents are talking to their kid? While I’m all for disciplining children, that doesn’t mean being cruel or nasty in doing so. Along those same lines, some people are negative, critical, and mean-spirited to themselves. In fact, some people are kinder to strangers than they are to themselves. Are you too tough on yourself?
If you believe you can’t, you won’t.
How Tough Are You on Yourself?
Are you your own worst critic? Here are 20 ways in which people demean, disparage, and demoralize themselves every day.
Do you:
- Dismiss your ideas as stupid?
- Question why people would want to be friends with you?
- Put yourself down on a regular basis?
- Value other people’s opinion more than your own?
- Beat yourself up for a little mistake?
- Focus on your failures more than your achievements?
- Demand perfection of yourself?
- Set low expectations for yourself because you lack self-confidence?
- Give up on self-improvement because you think people like you never stand a chance?
- Think that all your achievements are due to luck?
- Dwell on your failures long after they occur?
- Beat yourself up when you fall short of expectations?
- Demand that you achieve things that are out of your control?
- Compare yourself to others all the time?
- Feel powerless and helpless to affect the outcome of your situation?
- Get paranoid about what others think of you?
- Find it difficult to accept a compliment?
- Get down on yourself, even though you give others a pass — for the same thing?
- Take feedback personally rather than view it as a growth opportunity?
- Try to win acceptance rather than seeking self-approval?
Make Yourself Proud
Most people go to great lengths to win the admiration and respect of others but do very little to build their own confidence and self-esteem. The question is, where do you begin?
You make time to help others. Now is the time to help yourself.
Some folks will tell you to modify your habits and stop the self-doubt. The truth is that your poor habits and self-doubt won’t change overnight because they’ve probably been allowed to fester for years. While repeating positive affirmations is admirable, if words ring hollow, they’ll fall on deaf ears — your own.
Watch what you believe because your beliefs have a way of becoming your reality.
Others will tell you to invest in your personal growth. True. Be that as it may, while increasing your knowledge and improving your skills may benefit your career, they will not erase your self-doubt. The fact is, increasing your knowledge and improving your skills may actually help you do things better, but they won’t necessarily make you a better person. To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, you are a human BEing, not a human DOing.
Let’s not confuse getting better at something with being a better person.
There’s nothing more important than knowing you’re a virtuous person. It’s a gift that can’t be quantified or expressed in words, but the reward is immeasurable. It will bring you joy and inner peace. Moreover, it will instill a sense of confidence, dignity, and self-respect that no one can take away from you — a badge of honor that’s yours to keep forever.
Some of the most precious things you possess are your honor,
your dignity, and your reputation.
Every time you overcome a challenge, you’re stronger; every time you learn from failure, you’re better; and every time you persuade yourself not to quit, you’re tougher. The fact is, every time you do what’s right and every time you help your neighbor, you’re not only being honorable and generous, you’re proving that you’re a good person — which contributes to your confidence and self-esteem.
Virtue isn’t something that happens to you. You choose to make it happen — or not.
At the end of the day, if you’re not proud of who you are and the way you choose to live your life, little else matters. Be a good person. Everything else is secondary. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
How Tough Are You on Yourself?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Do You Have a Healthy Mindset?
You’re Awesome! Give Yourself a Pat on the Back
Be Nice to Yourself
Failing Doesn’t Make You a Failure
Do You Compare Yourself to Others?
If You Can’t Be Yourself Around Others, Who Are You?
Do You Have a Victim Mentality?
When You’re a Perfectionist, Your Work Is Never Done
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I absolutely resonate with your message. Doing things better doesn’t necessarily mean that you are believing in yourself. Self awareness is only half the journey, self improvement is another ball game in itself.
You’re absolutely right, Nadeed.
Always strive to do better and to be better. After all, if you do anything less, you’re only letting yourself down. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I am inspired by your idea of importance of the virtue. I used to think only my teacher qualifications and certificates make me confident. Now, I have realized improving myself to be a better person, changing how I see myself will build my self-esteem too.
Great insight, Hazel 🙂
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether you meet the expectations of others; what counts is that you meet your own standards. So set the bar high, live your life with integrity, and make yourself proud –– you have to face yourself in the mirror every day.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, you are a human BEing, not a human DOing.
How do you understand your sentence in your article？
And why did you captalize BE and DO?
Hi Phyllis
When you get older and reflect on your life, will you value the things that you checked off your to-do list or will you take pride in knowing that you enjoyed a life well lived? In other words, do you want to do more or be more?
The words, “be” and “do” are capitalized for emphasis.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I really appreciate your quoting the saying we are human BEing, not human DOing. However, I wonder if we do need to do something to affirm our belief that we are virtuous people, as well as to instill a sense of merit. Even though we bear the thought in mind, we may be low-esteemed when we can’t meet the standards of common belief. For example, after studying hard for an important exam but failing to achieve my goal, I could recognize my hard work but could not help thinking I was not good enough. I have been stuck in this kind of thought recently. And I did find repeating positive affirmations useless. I would be grateful if you could provide some more practical ways of improving self-confidence. Thanks for your attention and reply!
Great point, Yuhan
Some people are perfectionists; they consider anything short of perfection a failure. Instead of celebrating the important progress they’re making to achieve their goals, they focus on the shortcomings, as well as all the work that still remains to be completed.
Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection.
Hold yourself up to a high standard, not an impossible one. If you believe the only way to obtain inner peace and tranquility is by making everything perfect on the outside, you may be sadly mistaken. When you constantly have to prove your worth — even to yourself — you’re creating an impossible scenario in which the finish line is constantly moving.
When you have a moment, check out this post. You may find it helpful.
You’re Awesome! Give Yourself a Pat on the Back
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank