People like compliments. I get it. But what if you send the message that you only want good news and positive feedback? In fact, you want folks to tell you that your ideas are brilliant, your actions are flawless, and you’re as perfect as perfect can be, thank you. Unfortunately, fishing for compliments is not in your best interest. If you discourage people from pointing out your shortcomings, you’ll never learn how to better yourself. Moreover, if you fail to do a postmortem, you’re bound to repeat mistakes again and again. That’s disastrous.
Just because you don’t know your flaws
doesn’t mean you don’t have any.
Although flattery can do wonders for your ego, you know you’re kidding yourself. Right? If you are blind to your flaws, you can’t address them.
Even If It’s Good, You Can Always Make It Better
After every task you should ask yourself:
What went right and wrong?
How can I make it better?
What would I do differently if I had the opportunity to do it over again?
The rationale for doing this is to strive for continuous improvement. Here are 10 valuable tips for turning good into great:
Welcome feedback. Be proactive in requesting feedback rather than expecting people to offer it without prompting.
Seek the truth. Don’t shoot the messenger. Search for the truth no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
Be positive. View feedback as an opportunity rather than a slap in the face. Separate the comment from your self-worth.
Set the right tone. Encourage people to be supportive. Feedback is helpful and constructive; criticism is hurtful and damaging.
Focus on the act not the person. Don’t turn an activity into a witch-hunt. The goal is to identify opportunities for improvement, not to find fault or cast blame.
Promote open and honest communication. When you squelch discussion, silence opposing opinions, or shut off debate, conclusions are drawn from limited perspectives.
Encourage accountability. Making a mistake is a reminder that you’re human. Accept responsibility, learn from it, and move on rather than making excuses, pointing fingers, or casting blame.
Identify every opportunity for improvement. Don’t minimize the importance of small improvements. Success is a game of inches. Continuous improvement is the name of the game. Progress is one step closer to excellence.
Turn talk into action. The only thing worse than not requesting feedback is not acting on it. When you do nothing, nothing happens.
Park your ego at the door. Just because things went according to plan doesn’t mean an activity was flawless. Winning doesn’t release you from trying to improve.
The Only Way to Make Yourself Better Is to Try
You owe it to yourself to become the best that you can be. That won’t happen by making people kowtow to you or demanding that people stroke your ego. While that may make you feel good, they’re not doing you any favors. In fact, you may even come to believe your own PR and falsely believe no further growth is necessary.
You have a choice to pretend that you’re perfect or to face up to the reality that you’re human. Personal growth won’t occur if you shoot the messenger, bury your head in the sand, or surround yourself with like-minded people. In fact, surrounding yourself with “yes” people is like talking to yourself. The only way to make yourself better is to try. That means striving for continuous improvement in everything you do. Don’t let your ego get the better of you. The only thing standing between you and greatness may be yourself. Compliments are not always helpful.
Do You Fish for Compliments?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Do You Live in the Dark? The Danger of Being Uninformed
How Do You React to Negative Feedback?
How to Learn from the Mistakes of Other People
Criticism Is Not Feedback
Is Your Confidence Turning Into Egotism?
Make Personal Development a Priority
How to Give Feedback
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And when giving compliments, avoid broad platitudes. Specific feedback always more meaningful.
Great point, Sarah. It’s also better to compliment people in public; present their shortcomings in private.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
I subscribe to this site because it publishes articles/blogs relevant to the work educators do. Your blog exemplifies this.
I am a former classroom teacher, teacher of teachers and principal. I am now an author and continue to work as a consultant.
This school year, every educator that I have worked with has said this is the toughest year they have experienced in their entire career. I just heard that a 47-year-old high school principal was told by his physician that he was literally working himself to death. He will be resigning in June.
As schools begin to close for the summer, I think analyzing and synthesizing the past year would be a helpful exercise for a staff at the district and school level.
The culminating collaboration could be a solid pandemic/epidemic district/school plan. I will be forwarding your article to my clients and strongly encourage them to conduct a review to help them plan for next year.
Although your article focuses on the person, the questions you pose are applicable to looking at collective people actions…just use ‘we’ in place of ‘I’ or have each person begin with ‘I’ and take it to ‘we’.
Hi Victoria
I’m sorry that this has been such a rough year for the teaching community. It’s been tough for all of us.
Thanks for sharing this post with the staff at the district. I’m sure your meeting will produce some valuable insight. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to support your efforts. In addition, I welcome any feedback you may have. (Feel free to email me at Frank@FrankSonnenbergOnline.com)
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Hi Readers
I do not fish for compliments i rather seek feedback from people in my line of work and i like how you have put it….’success comes in inches’….great phrase for me to use in next shift briefing. Love this topic and find it relevant in my opinion.
Hi Romano
I’m so glad you like the post.
Many people believe that the only way to address a large challenge is to think BIG. They think that small wins are a waste of time. The truth is that success is a game of inches. When you achieve progress day in and day out, the cumulative impact is huge. The next time you face a big challenge, rather than swing for the fence, create ambitious yet achievable short-term milestones — and give it all you’ve got. Remember, whether you want to be a millionaire or feel like a million bucks, the best way to achieve something big is to think small.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank