Even though some folks make their success look easy, it rarely is. The truth is, success in almost anything requires hard work, determination, and a positive mental attitude. But, some people are their own worst enemy: they hurt themselves in ways they never imagined. The fact is, one of the biggest obstacles to success lies within each of us. Do you have a victim mentality?
Before you say “no,” how often do you say, “Other people have it easier,” “Why does this only happen to me?” or “I can’t do anything right.” Your outlook can work for you or against you…it’s your choice. “I can’t” and “I don’t want to” trigger the same results.
Symptoms of a Victim Mentality
Negative habits produce negative results. Here are seven characteristics of a victim mentality:
Feeling powerless and helpless. Some people feel they don’t have control over their situation. So they don’t even try to affect the outcome.
Dwelling on negativity. Some folks complain about their tough life just to attract attention or to fill a void in conversation.
Generating self-abuse. Some people continually put themselves down.
Remaining stuck in the past. Some folks refuse to let go of disappointments.
Blaming the world. Some people blame scapegoats for their setbacks and difficulties.
Being consumed by problems. Some folks wear their problems as a badge of honor.
Feeling cheated. Some people are envious and resentful. They believe that “the world isn’t fair.”
11 Ways to Escape a Victim Mentality
Playing a victim is counterproductive. Here are 11 points to counteract that behavior:
Own your life. Accept responsibility for your past, present, and future. Don’t outsource that responsibility to others.
Be positive. Focus on controlling your negative thinking. Mentally limit the times that you judge, complain, mistrust, or are jealous of others.
Believe in yourself. Do things that foster confidence and self-esteem. That includes appreciating your strengths and being kind to yourself.
Look in the mirror. Don’t compare yourself to others. It only breeds envy and resentment. When you compete with yourself, you both win.
Count your blessings. Take inventory of the wonderful things in your life. Appreciate what you have, while you have it, or you’ll learn what it meant to you –– after you lose it.
Create good habits. Identify your bad habits and adjust your behavior accordingly. Remember, practice doesn’t make perfect if you’re doing it wrong.
Hit lots of singles. Strive for small wins. They offer confidence and momentum as you pursue your long-term goals.
Meet challenges head-on. Prove you can overcome tough obstacles. That will give you the strength and determination to face new ones. If you believe you can’t, you won’t.
Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes or failures. Everyone is human –– we prove that every day. Learn and move on.
Let grudges go. Seeking retaliation, rather than forgiveness, traps you in the anger. Let it go.
Avoid becoming dependent. Determine whether a “handout” helps you get back on your feet or enslaves you to a lifetime of dependency.
Life Isn’t Perfect — Stop Being a Victim
Life isn’t easy. It’s that simple. We all encounter problems, face obstacles, and experience setbacks. Why should it be any different for you? So stop the whining, blaming, and negativity. You’re only hurting yourself.
Great athletes know that winning is as much mental as it is physical. Success takes effort day in and day out –– even when your body says “enough.” There is great truth to the saying that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Overcoming setbacks will give you the confidence, strength, and determination to meet your next challenge. The opposite is also true. Being handed everything on a silver platter will cause atrophy of the soul. Don’t make yourself a victim. Winners make the effort while losers make excuses.
Do You Have a Victim Mentality?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Great Things Start With Great Expectations
If You Believe You Can’t, You Won’t
Are You Enthusiastic For the Success of Others?
Mental Barriers: What’s Holding You Back?
Do You Have a Healthy Mindset?
16 Types of Toxic People
The Power of a Positive Attitude
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Well said Frank.
I was there for awhile, too. When you are in it, it is hard to imagine any other way.
I smiled at the end when you said to share it with people who can benefit from the information. I am sure we all can think of folks who wear the victim badge and need to “snap out of it.” Hey Sam… YOU need to read this!
I am not sure, however, they can or will receive the information. When you are in that state of mind, it all seems so justified.
I think we need to empathize with them in their view of the world… but also lovingly, gently speak words of truth to them. Unfortunately, they have to want to change before they will receive these words. Sort of the “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.”
For me, when I was in that mindset, what made the difference was learning (and believing) that I did had more power than I thought to influence my life, to change it for good. That gave me hope to get out.
Thanks as always Frank for sharing your valuable insights!
Hey Patrick
I think everyone can learn from your experience. People “have to want to change before they will receive these words.” For you, that meant, “learning (and believing) that [you] had more power than [you] thought to influence [your] life, to change it for the good.”
The truth is, everyone has the power to follow in your footsteps. All it takes is the will and determination to try. What do they have to lose? The real question we should be asking ourselves is, what do they lose by not trying?
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Hey Frank,
Powerful. stuff.
I lived exactly your post. Tony Robbin’s is quoted something to the tune of “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” It took me 20 years to realize this.
I lived a fairly good life. Content with what I had, I lived everyday as if tomorrow was a certainty. I was a victim of foolish thinking. It all came crashing down on a day I will never forget. I was travelling as a part of my job when I received a phone call from my wife stating that she was in the hospital getting prepared to undergo emergency surgery.
I pleaded with my employer to send me home but they would not. At that moment I blamed everything around me as to why I was stuck. My employer, the flights, the situation…everything. Even after getting home and promising to not let that happen again, I couldn’t shake the victim mindset.
Through the power of reading, learning, applying, and most importantly, listening, I am proud to say that I have changed my life around, No longer am I the victim and this is one of my greatest achievements. I now help others achieve the same but only if they want it.
Thank you for the awesome post. It brought back some memories and reignited my desire.
Take care,
Joel Scott
Hi Joel
I love stories with a happy ending.
You’re right on the mark when you say, “Through the power of reading, learning, applying, and most importantly, listening, I am proud to say that I have changed my life …” That’s awesome!
I’m so glad you’re paying it forward by helping others realize their dreams.
Thanks for taking the time to write 🙂
Best,
Frank
This is just what I needed to hear. I was about to close my company down, due to poor income, but it’s me that is causing it the problems.
I have also been beating myself up for abandoning buying my dream house, which I had had an offer accepted, which was extremely cheap, as a reposession.
The whole article resonated with me, and I am going to take steps to take full responsibility for my life, and stop dwelling on past setbacks.
Thank you Frank.
Hi Craig
I’m so glad my post resonates with you 🙂
I’ve found that everything in life happens for a reason. The key to success is getting back on the horse and begin moving forward again.
Don’t quit. Most people fail before achieving success; the difference is that successful people never stop trying. As Douglas MacArthur said, “Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”
Best,
Frank
One of clever powerful phrases: “there’s no such things as victims, we’re all volunteers.” While that can be misinterpreted and carried too far, I think many would benefit from reflecting on their own mentality
Great quote, John.
You’re absolutely right, “Many would benefit from reflecting on their own mentality.” Let’s hope it happens 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing.
Best,
Frank
As stressful as life is, it’s much less stressful to be “active” than simply “reactive”. Taking control and making the decisions is the answer.
I agree Debbie.
Taking control and/or accepting personal responsibility for your behavior is key 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
This was a great read. Over the past 6 years after traumatic events leading to many people, family and close friends, walking out of my life, I fell into the victim mindset of being a failure, not being good enough, and that I was set up to fail. Over the past year I’ve been seeing counseling and getting help and good feedback. Sure it’s been hard but it’s been worth it. I still struggle with anxiety revolving around not being good enough, but it’s not as severe as it used to be. In fact, I feel like I am completely in control of my life.
That’s awesome, Robert 🙂
One of the greatest rewards of success is knowing that you’ve earned it. It sounds like you’re well on your way. I applaud your strength and resilience.Bravo!
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank