Imagine carrying a backpack filled with rocks everywhere you go. Now that’s exhausting! It gives new meaning to the phrase “doing the heavy lifting.”
If the weight of that backpack seems like too much to bear, just imagine the impact of the emotional baggage that we carry every day! Think about it . . . we fear getting fired, we complain about the service we receive, we express disgust over the politics of the nation, we envy the person “next door,” we worry about meeting deadlines, and we discredit our colleague for “stealing” the promotion. Emotional baggage? You bet.
Now ask yourself: What do we gain by gossiping about a colleague, badmouthing politicians, or ranting about our frustrations on Facebook? Answer: We get upset, with little to show for our efforts. It’s as though we believe that if we gossip, rant, and rave loud enough and often enough, people will accept our way of thinking. The truth is, besides being a colossal waste of time, nothing really changes — except that we’re not much fun to be around. Who needs that?
Even when we don’t overtly express our negative feelings of worry, prejudice, fear, criticism, guilt, anger, and envy, we play out these “dramas” in our heads like a chess master plotting his next few moves. These negative thoughts race through our minds like a whirlwind, making us more and more anxious each time we revisit them. In fact, some people get so overwhelmed and depressed that they worry themselves into a frenzy, making it tough to concentrate during the day and causing sleep issues at night. Taken to the extreme, emotional baggage can be absolutely debilitating if not controlled.
In days gone by in a labor-intensive society, hard work resulted in tired bones and sore muscles. In the Information Age, our bodies tell us that enough is enough by reacting with stress-related ailments ranging from headaches to backaches to anxiety attacks. And over time, these stresses add up.
The bottom line is that these “emotional tirades” are unproductive, unhealthy, and exhausting. They cause us to lose focus, snap at people we care about, and waste precious time because we’re stuck playing these ridiculous mind games. No wonder we’re exhausted. (I’m even worn out writing this article.)
Take a Load Off Your Mind
Here are some simple suggestions to reduce your emotional baggage masquerading as worry, prejudice, fear, criticism, guilt, anger, and envy.
1. Food for thought. One of the first steps that people take when trying to lose weight is writing down the food they eat each day. It’s surprising to see it in writing and represents an important motivator toward changing eating habits. By listing the negative thoughts that cross our minds each day, we can use the same technique to reduce our emotional baggage.
2. Keep it positive. Negative thinking isn’t always bad. In fact, having some fear and worry keeps you on your toes, forces you to prepare early, and encourages you to anticipate future events by asking yourself, what if? That’s positive. On the other hand, when emotional baggage makes you angry, increases your anxiety, or overwhelms you, it’s a negative to avoid.
3. Is that a fact? It’s very helpful to determine if the assumptions behind your fears, worries, prejudices, etc., are factual and realistic. When you’re tired, emotional, or under stress, negative thoughts can spiral out of control and ruin your day, even if the premise behind your anxiety is far-fetched. That’s a fact.
4. The sky is falling! How often do your fears and worries actually come true? If they rarely come to fruition, why are you getting all worked up? Odds are that you’d have a better chance of getting hit by lightning.
5. Make it happen. Many situations involve matters beyond our control. If you can’t affect the outcome, you may as well enjoy your day –– because even a Herculean effort won’t make a difference. Therefore, if there’s a problem that’s waking you up at 3 a.m., and you can do something to make it better, even at that hour, DO IT. If not, it’s better to forgetaboutit and get some sleep. Deal with it in the morning. And if it’s truly beyond your control, then all your worry and sleeplessness won’t change the situation. It’s time to put the worry behind you and move on.
6. Will it even matter? Some situations appear larger than life, yet in hindsight seem inconsequential. The key is to gauge the issue beforehand. As a simple test, ask yourself whether you’ll remember the problem in a year or two. If not, it may be a trivial issue unworthy of your concern.
Break Free from Your Baggage
It’s unfair to assume that it’s easy to unpack the emotional baggage that we’ve accumulated over a lifetime. If Buddha’s words are true, “What we think, we become,” then it’s vital to take control of our lives. But let’s be realistic.
The anxiety that WE create in our minds is often worse than reality. We worry about impressing our friends, when the truth is that real friends remain good friends in good times and bad. We worry about being late for a meeting. If we are, it won’t change mankind. We also get angry waiting home all day for a delivery person. And that too shall pass. Again, Buddha said it well, “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.”
The truth is, in most cases, life goes on. You have the power to make yourself happy or miserable during your life journey. There are very few times in life when we hit a wall so hard that we don’t recover from it. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. The difference is, if you take a pledge to be positive, and start reducing your emotional baggage, you’re going to lead a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life. As Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Additional Reading:
Living Life on the Edge
There’s No Dress Rehearsal in Life
It’s Time to Sweat the Big Stuff
Moments of a Lifetime
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I wholeheartedly agree with Frank. For some it is easier than others–many of my friends and relatives suffer from physiological disorders that require medication to get to the emotional state you describe. But trying is the key. For me, a mid-life discovery in this quest was yoga…. changed my life!
This post says it all and I love it!
This morning as I sat and read this article I kept saying out loud to the computer RIGHT ON! RIGHT ON! RIGHT ON!
Frank you got it… you articulated beautiful about emotional baggage! You expressed it so RIGHT ON!
I particularly enjoyed TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR MIND!
Thanks for all that you do to impact our lives in a positive and valuable way.
Lolly
Love the Buddha quotes here – especially the one about holding onto your anger. It’s amazing how much lighter our heads feel when we let go of that emotional baggage. It’s as if our heads weigh 50 pounds less. Thanks for this Frank.
As a person who rarely gets angry, I recently lost my temper with a retail store manager whose service was worse than poor. It accomplished nothing and left me feeling like I let myself down. Thank you for the reminder that “emotional tirades” are unproductive time-wasters. The world needs more positive-thinking optimists and people like you who promote this outlook.
Great post Frank, thank you. Most of my work in supporting leaders and leadership teams is in identifying and letting go of baggage so they can actually make some progress. I think of it as leadership development by subtraction in a world that wants to buy skill-building. I believe the skills are all there if an an individual can just find and nurture his/her own sanity.
Thanks, Christopher
Peter, Lolly, Rossana, Amy, Christopher
Thanks so much for your thoughts.
Peter, your comments are well taken. Fear, worry and anxiety may require more than is prescribed in this post. (Prejudice, envy and hatred, however still represent baggage that we should lose.)
Lolly, You ALWAYS know the right thing to say. Thank you.
Rossana, I agree. Holding onto anger doesn’t serve any purpose.
Amy, I hear you. It’s VERY frustrating being on the receiving end of lousy service. Sometimes it’s an art to leave the store and put the disgust behind us.
Christopher, Brilliant. “Leadership development by subtraction”
Have a great day!
Best,
Frank
I like this post and can relate to it fully. I’m a college student at the moment and working part-time in a family business. Sometimes stress and self-made anxiety is a battle I have to fight often. After I take an exam for example, as long as I did my best to get ready for it I force myself into a peace of mind and move on with whatever I need to do.
Your tips are great advice. Thanks.
My cousin Barbara shared a link to your article on FB. I am glad to be read your post and it’s reminder to stay present and “travel light.” Thank you for sharing this eternal wisdom!
What a wonderful message to read on any day. This reminded me of a great story (apologies for the long comment!):
Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning.
The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey.
As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk’s mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, “how could you carry her like that? You know we can’t touch women, it’s against our way of life”.
The senior monk answered, “I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?”
Jeremy, Robin, Marc
Thanks so much for your comments.
Hi Jeremy, I applaud you for working while going to school. That’s tough. You’re right on the mark by saying that you’re happy knowing that you’ve done your best. You can’t do more than your best. Good luck with school.
Robin, Thanks for dropping by and for your comment. You’re right. Living in the present is key. Please thank Barbara for sharing my post with you. I hope to see you again here soon.
Marc, I always look forward to your comments. VERY clever. I never heard that one.
Have a great day!
Frank
When I am searching for psychological therapy, I find your passage by accident and I have to say that it is great! Actually, my problems are just identical as those mentioned in your passage, being envious, carrying emotional baggage, etc. I have been awared of my problems for a long time, but I cannot find any solution. Nevertheless, your passage really give me some useful tips. Now I am awared that all these negative emotions are just generated by myself, not by others. Just like an aphorism says” No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Therefore, I find that worrying is definitely making no sense except stopping u from making progress. Now I am going to apply for an university and your passage is really useful for me since now I am so nervous and anxious about my grades and application. Thank u for the extraordinary article!
Hi Gavin
I’m glad that you enjoyed this post and found it useful. I hope to see you back again soon.
Best,
Frank