As parents, we think the world of our kids. So, when they possess a particular talent, “naturally” we think they’re ready for the Olympics, a run on Broadway, or a college scholarship — My kid the superstar.
At games, you’ll find some proud parents cheering their children for giving it their best shot, while others “browbeat” their kids — sometimes pushing them to their physical and emotional limits — and frequently, just harassing or embarrassing them in front of their friends. It’s no wonder that many kids lose interest in an activity because it’s no longer rewarding and fun. It makes you wonder whether winning means more to the parents or to their children.
Whatever happened to simply enjoying an activity? When did we turn Pee Wee sports into killer competition? Since when did we place more emphasis on “winning” than on building confidence and self-respect? Sure … some kids will translate their talent into stardom and a professional career. As for the others … these activities can provide a wonderful learning experience about life — if we would just treat them that way — while “letting our kids be kids.”
What Should Activities Teach Our Kids About Life?
1. Attitude is everything. Be positive. Set high expectations. Picture yourself a winner. Replace negative thinking with a can-do attitude.
2. Get in the game. Anyone can watch a game, but real winners get off the sidelines and play. Don’t let fear of failure stop you from reaching your full potential. Remember, it’s better to go down swinging than to be called out on strikes.
3. Winning is as much mental as physical. Surround yourself with positive people. Control your emotions. Stay focused and remain disciplined.
4. Master the fundamentals. Practice, practice, practice. When you master the basics, and execute them well, there’s no need to worry about the score. It works like magic.
5. Few things come easy in life. Success is achieved through hard work and determination. If you want something, you have to put your heart into it. It takes many years to become an overnight success.
6. Always do your best. Aim high and never settle for second best. Strive for continuous improvement in everything that you do. As Vince Lombardi once said, “Winning is not everything — but making the effort to win is.” If you try your best, you’ll never have regrets.
7. Be ready on game day. Anyone can talk a good game. What matters is what you do when it counts. There’s no dress rehearsal for life.
8. Remain flexible and embrace change. You can’t control the uncontrollable. So be prepared to expect the unexpected. People get injured. The weather doesn’t always cooperate. The ball won’t always come your way. Go with the flow.
9. View obstacles as opportunities. When barriers get in your way, find a way around them and use them to learn and develop. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Excuses don’t win games.
10. Know your strengths and the strengths of others. You’re only one person, so don’t try to win games by yourself. Trust and support your teammates and they’ll place their faith in you. That’s the making of a winning team.
11. Be a team player. Winning takes teamwork. So be prepared to make personal sacrifices for the good of the team.
12. Keep your perspective. Remain calm under pressure. Competition will test your limits. Be calm, strong, and in control when it matters most. When counting to ten doesn’t seem to work, try twenty.
13. Be a leader. Become a good role model. Set high standards of excellence for yourself and others. Make people feel special and help bring out the best in everyone. Now that’s a superstar.
14. If you can’t play fair, don’t play. Integrity matters. Compete fairly and fully. When you resort to cheating, you’ve already lost.
15. Quitting is not an option. There will be times when things get tough –– and it may even feel as though all is lost. Always keep hope alive and display confidence in the eye of defeat. As Morgan Freeman said, “The best way to guarantee a loss is to quit.”
16. Accept responsibility for your actions. You’re in the driver’s seat. Only you can decide how hard you’re willing to work to achieve your goals. If you succeed, the rewards are yours. If you fail, there’s always another day.
17. Learn to forgive. Be loyal when the chips are down. Appreciate the special qualities of others, including your opponents. Forgive the mistakes of others. It may be your error that costs the team tomorrow.
18. Support others in need. Real friends are available in good times and bad. So offer your teammates encouragement and support, especially when they have a bad day.
19. Look to the future rather than the past. Don’t dwell on mistakes or past defeats. What’s done is done. Learn from the experience and move on.
20. Follow directions. Listen to your coach and respect the call of a referee even if you disagree.
21. Compete against yourself. Competing against others may be destructive if more effort is spent tearing others down than building yourself up. When you compete against yourself, however, you both win.
22. Raise your game. Find a good role model. Don’t be shy to ask for help. Be open to feedback and put it to good use.
23. Say “no” to unhealthy behavior. Take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got. Abuse your body and pay the price.
24. Know that losing doesn’t make you a failure. Be a good loser. Bounce back after a big loss. That’s the sign of a superstar.
25. Be a good winner. Be a winner on and off the field. Be humble and quietly proud but never self-satisfied. And never let success go to your head.
Preparing Kids for the Game of Life
Teach your child that success doesn’t come easily. Life is a continuing competition in which excellence wins. Therefore, it’s better to learn how to compete when the consequences are small. So if you aren’t using every opportunity to prepare your child for the game of life, your son or daughter is being cheated out of something very special.
Take your cue from the great coaches in all sports and at all levels — great coaches build trust, instill discipline, and foster teamwork. They showcase the child who displays a can-do attitude, shows improvement, or demonstrates leadership on and off the field. Great coaches inspire confidence by applauding the team because they did their best — even if they lost the game.
The bottom line is that kids aren’t born with self-confidence or a positive attitude; kids don’t automatically know how to conquer fear, accept feedback, overcome obstacles, or snatch victory from the jaws of defeat; kids don’t always know what it’s like to come back after failure, be a humble winner, or show grace after a terrible loss. These skills are learned.
As Mike Krzyzewski, the legendary Duke basketball coach, said, “My ambition in high school was to be a high school coach and teacher, and that’s still what I do: teach.” So do your child a favor and teach him or her the winning philosophy of great coaches — because even though it’s great to win the game, it’s even better to be a superstar in life.
How Do You Feel About Coaching and Superstars?
Additional Reading:
Kids Don’t Come with an Instruction Manual
There’s More to Friendship than Friending
Call Me Maybe
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You have done it again!
Fantastic Post!
This needs to be a poster that every parent has on their fridge to remind them what their children are all about, teaching them lessons, showing them the way, mentoring them to turn into tender hearted superstars.
Thanks Frank.
We must share this with everyone we know.
Lolly
You’re the best Lolly. I can always count on you. Thanks so much!
Frank
Wonderful post Frank. You have said it all. Should be turned into a poster. Well done.
Hi Augie
Thanks so much. You’re very kind. You’re the third person who mentioned turning this into a poster. Stay tuned 🙂
Best,
Frank
“Take your cue from the great coaches in all sports and at all levels — great coaches build trust, instill discipline, and foster teamwork. They showcase the child who displays a can-do attitude, shows improvement, or demonstrates leadership on and off the field. Great coaches inspire confidence by applauding the team because they did their best — even if they lost the game.” This says it all! It’s about character, self-discipliine, teamwork and living by your values.Thanks for an excellent post, Frank.
Hi Melanie
I believe that most coaches are well-intentioned. We must recognize the influence that we as adults, have on kids. While winning a game may provide payoff in the short-term, teaching them valuable lessons will serve them for life.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Great post Frank. You are so right about today’s sports for children turning into something other than your great list of possible developments and achievements that can be realized. And as you are more than aware, many coaches go through the self-deluding motions of mentioning these values but in reality are far removed from them with their actions. A good coach needs to “be these values” in order to teach them with authority.
Hi Mark
You’re absolutely right. As role models, we often forget the influence that we have on those who admire us. It’s not enough to “talk a good game” we must “live it” as well. Or as you say, “A good coach needs to ‘be these values’ in order to teach them with authority.”
Thanks for your thoughts.
Best,
Frank
You have done a really good job Frank! In fact I am writing out the key points and sharing it with my wife. However, I know you don’t intend to make this have religious connotation of any sort but we will do well to identify that even stardom itself is for a lifetime, we need to draw our Children’s attention to values that will outlast them into many generations. We will do well to identify that having a strong spiritual (Christian) foundation that allows them seek supernatural experiences will keep them in shape because it turns out that after a while, even stardom itself become boredom and except kids have something pristine to hold them through the many years they will be by themselves when they ‘re older, successes and great achievements can quickly become a mess. We can encourage them to emulate the life of an excellent role model such as Jesus Christ who galvanizes all the 25points listed above and more. And we also need to live as examples as we teach them these values.
My conclusion is that the best service a parent can give their children is to show them the way of faith. Failure to do so could be a disservice to many generations.
Hi Solly
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I agree that faith is an important part of life.
As you said, this post focuses on lessons that parents or coaches can teach during a dance competition or sporting event. In my mind, it’s pretty easy to provide constructive feedback that they’re holding the ball too much and should be more of a team player or “you guys didn’t win, but it’s clear that you played your best.” I’m not quite sure how to make the connection between sports and faith, but I’m always open to new ideas.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Fantastic Post Frank, so often parents put their children under so many unecessary stress and fustration because is either win or fail, in other words you are either a “winner or a looser”
Your post gives great insights on what is important to create healthy children and good citizens physically and mentally. The lessons you share here are invaluables specially in our times, where competition is every where in many aspects of our children lives. I think this post is so great, you should make it available for public schools to hang in every class room! it is a reminder that one of the greatest gift we can give to those who look upon us for guidance or mentorship is how to win the gift of life!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Have a bless day no matter what
Maria Garcia
Hi Maria
Thanks so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate it.
I know how you feel regarding “unnecessary stress” because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Some folks place enormous pressure on their kids. I’m sure they want what’s best for the kids, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. I’m not trying to diminish the importance of winning. That’s important too. But, let’s keep the game in perspective. There are other lessons to be learned as well.
On another note, several parents and coaches have already contacted me. They intend to use this article as a guidepost with their teams. That’s great! I also intend to turn this article into a poster. (Stay tuned) You’ll find several other posters in the “Live and Learn” section of this blog. We offer them (free) to serve as constant reminders that personal values matter.
Thanks again for taking the time to write.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
OK, my college daughter is home for Christmas break. I am not sure what to do with her since she has one foot out the door and she thinks she knows everything. I think I will start with using these 26 points and make a new poster each day to place about the house and mingle into my holiday jingle decorations. You have sparked my thoughts and I will work to make our holidays a little brighter. Thanks 🙂
Hi Teri
Oh yes… The college years. If you have a moment, take a look at, “Kids Don’t Come With An Instruction Manual.” I think you’ll get a kick out of it.
https://www.franksonnenbergonline.com/blog/kids-dont-come-with-an-instruction-manual/
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Best,
Frank
Frank,
What a great read! I am going to get all of my coaches to subscribe to your site, I can see a lot of great life lessons that relate to what we are trying to accomplish!
:- )
Bill
That’s awesome Bill. Thanks. Please make sure to check out the “Live and Learn” tab. Download the posters for free. Have a great week.
Best,
Frank
Hi Frank,
This article is wonderful.
And since we cannot give what we don’t have,
I think parents need to learn this first and thereafter teach the kids.
Thanks, I have enjoyed my self.
Thanks so much Kingsley. Kids can learn so much about life IF parents use sports as an opportunity to teach life’s lessons. Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Neat One-To be framed .
.My son is great Soccer Kid .I can sure resonate with this article a lot .
Thanks Manorama. I’m so glad you like it.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank