Remember the first time you met your future spouse…your heart started pounding, your hands got sweaty, and you didn’t wipe that silly grin off your face for days. In the weeks that followed, one thing led to another and before you knew it…wedding bells were on the horizon. The problem, according to author and famed salesman Zig Ziglar, is that “Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” What are the secrets of a successful marriage?
Like everything else, if you take your relationship for granted, cracks will appear like weeds sprouting through a perfect lawn. Marriage is a wonderful institution. Nurture it and you’ll find that love doesn’t have an expiration date.
The most important element of a happy marriage is choosing the right person. Here are 20 other ingredients:
Ingredients of a Successful Marriage
- Make your marriage your top priority. There are many things vying for your attention. Know what matters most to you and put your heart into it. The grass is greenest where you water it.
- Agree on the BIG things. Shared beliefs and values form the heart of every successful relationship and can ultimately determine its success. The key is to understand your spouse’s viewpoints and gain agreement on how to move forward together.
- Nurture trust. Trust is the glue that binds successful relationships. Trust is built through a series of successful experiences. If each encounter is positive, the relationship will flourish.
- Keep your promises. When you break a promise, no matter how small, you violate the bond of trust. Remember, trust takes a long time to develop, but it can be lost in the blink of an eye.
- Have heart-to-heart talks. Say what’s on your mind and in your heart. Be open, honest, and empathetic. If something is bothering you, don’t let it fester. Speak your mind. And remember, don’t just talk…communicate.
- Put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own. Care about your spouse’s happiness as much, or more, than your own.
- Offer your unconditional love. Accept your spouse for who he or she is, not for who you want him or her to be.
- Give your spouse space. Cherish your time together, but give your spouse the freedom to have his or her space.
- Meet in the middle. Seek compromise rather than forcing your views on your spouse. Remember, the relationship is always more important than the disagreement.
- Be a good sport. Be your own person, but don’t forget that you’re part of a team. Complement each other’s skills and grow in the same direction.
- Handle disputes with grace. Debate issues without making them personal. Once words leave your mouth, they can’t be taken back.
- Never keep score. Marriage is not a competitive sport. It doesn’t matter who contributes more at any given time. It evens itself out over time. (And if it doesn’t, who cares?)
- Park your ego at the door. The two greatest time-savers are saying, “I don’t know” and “I was wrong.”
- Be grateful. Show your appreciation. Never take your spouse for granted.
- Live within your means. Finances are a key source of stress in a marriage. Be conscious of your spending habits. Focus on what you need rather than on what you want.
- Keep the flame burning. Keep courting your spouse. Love, laugh, and create lasting memories.
- Ride out tough times. In the course of life, you will face rough patches. A crisis doesn’t have to breed hostility –– it often brings couples closer together. Remember, life has its ups and downs so make the most of the in-betweens.
- Live without regret. Think long and hard before you do anything that places your relationship in jeopardy.
- Share and share alike. Life is more rewarding when you share your life with someone you love. That means changing your mindset from “me” to “we” and to “what’s mine is now ours.”
- Show some respect. While trust, respect, and devotion may be invisible, you’ll know that they’re present. They form the foundation of every successful marriage.
Marriage: Put Your Heart Into It
Marriage requires commitment, but some people don’t take that responsibility to heart. They fool themselves into thinking it’s like getting a new roommate, pooling their finances together, or an excuse to have an extravagant party. The truth is, marriage joins two people. “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” While those words sound wonderful, your actions determine the fate of your marriage.
People who put their heart into their marriage reap one of the greatest treasures in life. You’ll have a soul mate to share your hopes and your fears, your laughter and your tears, your joy and your sorrow. The fact is, the love of your life will make your highs higher and your lows much easier to bear. As Audrey Hepburn said, “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” Marriage, like infinity, offers no limit to your happiness.
What Do You Think?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Good Relationships Don’t Keep Score
Relationships: A Marriage Made in Heaven
Compromise: Redefining Winning
How To Create a Win-Win Relationship
Take The Shoe-On-The-Other-Foot Test
Do You Deserve to Be Trusted?
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Such great advice here, thanks so much Frank for always making such complicated things so plain and digestible 🙂
Hi Barb
Simple isn’t always easy.
Although I’m a passionate writer, I slave over these posts. This one came a little easier to me. Caron and I have been married for 37 years. We live by these words 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to write. Have an awesome weekend!
Best,
Frank
Almost taking the plunge. This is the most practical advice going forward. If I was your neighbor a restraining order would not be enough to keep me from such great advice.
Congratulations Timothy
Marriage is one of the greatest institutions in life. I wish you and your bride many many years of happiness. Remember, never stop courting your spouse.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Thanks Frank,this is really good.I have read most of your posts but this particular one concerns me.I am 25 and cohabiting with my fiancee but things are not going on well.We have a 1 and half year old baby girl and now it’s like she is the only reason we are still together.I have even not put much emphasis in planing for the marriage and if I did not want my daughter to grow up alone would have called off the marriage longtime.I feel these 20 points can bring it all back but they are hard to apply for both of us.We need help Frank. Thanks
Hi Frank
It’s hard for me to comment without knowing more about your situation. I believe that every relationship requires hard work and sacrifice in order to succeed. I suggest that both of you talk to a professional. He/She can help you talk though your issues.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Great advice, but I’m afraid there is no mention of the role faith plays. When you braid two pieces of hair (no matter how tightly), they come apart. When faith is added as a third strand of the braid, it stays together until a man or woman pulls it apart.
Great point, Phil. Thanks for sharing!
Best,
Frank
We have been married 45 years, not without major strains and setbacks. I say we have been through almost everything except the feath of a child. I wish we had set out expectations of our marriage and each other prior to the big day
I think it is important to remind oneself daily that we cannot change another person…only ourselves. Acceptance and appreciation daily plus true forgiveness have been how this marriage has survived the troubled times. P
Hi Dianne
Congratulations. You belong to a very special club. Being married for 45 years is a wonderful accomplishment.
You’re right. Acceptance, appreciation, plus true forgiveness all contribute to a successful marriage.
The bottom line is that it takes work to make relationships work — but the benefits are truly worth it. Love doesn’t have an expiration date.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
You made a great point when you explained that hard times should help couples grow closer together rather than pulling them apart. My wife and I got married a couple of years ago, but we haven’t had too many major arguments up to this point. I think it would be a good idea for us to visit a marriage counselor to work with so that we can continue to strengthen our relationship.
Hi Henry
Meeting my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. Like all good things in life, it takes work to make relationships work.
You both have your whole lives ahead of you. Remember that life is a marathon not a sprint. Like everyone else, you will face ups and downs. When you have the right person by your side, your highs will be higher and your lows will be easier to face with the person you love.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Hello Frank, I can only agree with all of your above mentioned points.
In my opinion, marriage takes hard work every day. Once a (single) friend of mine congratulated me on 15 seemingly easy years of relationship. I laughed and told her “these were 15 years of hard work and totally worth it.”
Didn’t Oscar Wilde say “these are the worst of all times – these are the best of all times.” ? For us, this quote actually means that every crisis only leaves us as a stronger couple, because we feel that we have a partner for life that we can always rely on.
Best wishes
Ria
Hi Ria,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree—marriage indeed requires constant effort and commitment. Your experience truly resonates with me, and I love the way you framed it to your friend. Oscar Wilde’s quote is very fitting, and it’s inspiring to hear how each challenge has strengthened your bond.
Thanks for taking the time to write 🙂
Best,
Frank