It’s interesting to contrast our hectic lives with the peacefulness of nature. The serenity of a stroll on a white sand beach, the calmness of a hike in a lush forest, and the stillness of wandering on a snow-covered mountain trail. The experience is tranquil, the scenery is breathtaking, and the feeling is soothing. It gives new meaning to the phrase silence is golden. Yet, silence is not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, silence can be a danger sign.
Silence can signal that you’re contemplating — alone with your thoughts. It can indicate that you’re thinking or listening — and are busy learning. But silence can also be construed as agreement or as giving approval when, in actuality, it means exactly the opposite.
The Causes of Silence
You’ll never know if silence is harmful or innocent unless you know its origin. Here are 9 causes of deafening silence:
Frightened. Some people are silent because they’re afraid to speak up.
Insecure. Some folks are silent because they lack confidence and feel unworthy.
Intimidated. Some people are silent because others are monopolizing the conversation.
Emotional. Some folks are silent because they’re afraid they’ll regret what they say.
Enraged. Some people are silent because your words have upset them and they’re sending you a message.
Disinterested. Some folks are silent out of boredom. A yawn is worth a thousand words.
Disengaged. Some folks are silent because they’re closing their eyes to inappropriate behavior.
Introverted. Some people are silent because they’re shy. They’d rather be a wallflower than be in the spotlight.
Apathetic. Some folks are silent because they’ve given up — and simply don’t care anymore.
Break the Silence
If you’re looking to draw people into a discussion and find out what’s on their mind, here are 10 guidelines to consider:
Listen attentively. Be physically AND mentally present.
Be all ears. Give everyone a chance to speak. Don’t dominate the conversation.
Take the temperature. Observe who’s participating and who’s not. Apathy is a silent killer.
Listen for silence. Don’t assume silence means compliance. Determine if silence is a danger signal.
Draw people out. Encourage silent people to contribute to the discussion by asking for their opinion.
Make people feel special. Don’t criticize or belittle viewpoints. Every idea is a good one.
Don’t pull rank. It doesn’t matter who comes up with an idea. Quality is what counts.
Encourage debate. Discuss differences openly, honestly, and respectfully. Focus on the message, not the messenger.
Be open-minded. Set a non-threatening tone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, always recognizing that no one should force their opinion on others.
Settle differences in a cordial manner. Turning your back and walking away ends more than a conversation.
Silence…Stop, Look, and Listen
Every parent knows that when little kids are too quiet in their room, it’s time to check on them. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong, but silence can be an indication of trouble. Similarly, it doesn’t matter whether you’re parenting teenage kids, running a business meeting, or leading the free world, just because a person is silent doesn’t mean there’s no message. It could indicate absolutely nothing or it could represent the calm before the storm. You won’t know unless you pay attention to what’s left unsaid.
Some people drown out others to get attention. They believe that ranting is an effective communication strategy. The fact is, raised voices are rarely heard. If you’re trying to exchange ideas, build trust, or engender support, you’ll never know whether people are all in or on the outs unless you engage them in rich discussion. Next time you stumble upon a silent person, listen up.
How Do You Break the Silence?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
Apathy: Who Cares?
May I Have a Word With You?
What Works Better — Obedience or Commitment?
This Discussion Has No Room For Debate
The Benefits of Being Open-Minded
9 Barriers to Effective Communication
8 Communication Barriers in Business
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Past few days I’ve been reading your post a bit left, right and center.
Yet another good article here, only I’ve to say at the reasons of silence you state: “Introverted. Some people are silent because they’re shy. They’d rather be a wallflower than be in the spotlight” but the thing is introverted people aren’t necessarily shy, and shy people aren’t necessarily introverted. Take for example me, I’m introverted but I’m definitely not shy. I even talk quicker to strangers than most extroverts. Only after a day of lots of human interactions I (and all introverts) need some quality ‘me time’.
I love silence but I also hate it.
Mr. Intellyless
I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog.
To address your comment, there are several characteristics of an introvert. One of them is shyness. In fact, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines introverted as “a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone.” Introverted people are content to sit back and let others share the spotlight. Although they have much to contribute, they just don’t feel the need to take center stage.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
As it is true that introverted people are reserved and like to be alone, shyness is no characteristic of introversion. Introversion is a characteristic of its own.
I’ve done quite my part of research on introversion as I’m introverted myself. The difference between introversion and extroversion is that an extroverted person gets energized by social interactions while an introverted person’s energy gets drained when having social interactions and needs to ‘recharge’ after it. This indeed means that introverts like to be alone and are often quiet but this is not necessarily shyness, it is just that introverts don’t feel the need to talk when they don’t have to.
I give it to you that introversion and shyness go hand in hand but this doesn’t mean introverts are shy or shy people are introverts.
May we meet again
Mr. Intellyless
I hear you. Thanks for the clarification and for sharing your thoughts.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Such an important point. I lived this experience recently… silent person.. tried to draw her out in multiple ways… still silence but she was secretly seething inside. Ended up a mess. The important thing for silent people to know is that if they don’t speak up their issues will never get heard… and they will continue to be frustrated, angry, fearful, etc.
I hear you, Sarah. The important thing to remember is that communication is a two-way street. You did your part; they must do theirs. As you say, “If they don’t speak up their issues will never get heard… and they will continue to be frustrated.”
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Really great piece of art and work .. i am going to benefited from this one.
Thank you, Dhafir. I’m glad you like it.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank