How often does advice fail to pan out? Did you ever ask yourself why? Is it because we get it from the wrong people, misjudge the quality of the advice, or because we follow it blindly?
The problem is that we seek advice from the wrong people — some of whom don’t have a clue about the subject; we follow the crowd even though we don’t know many of them; we treat celebrity endorsements as gospel, even though they’re getting paid to read a script. And still others seek advice for the wrong reasons — to dodge responsibility or to avoid the time-consuming task of figuring out an answer by themselves. Does that make any sense to you?
A Free Bit of Advice
Know what you know and what you don’t know. Just because you’re an expert in one thing, that doesn’t make you an expert in everything. Seek input when variables lie outside your comfort zone. Following are some guidelines worthy of your consideration.
Before seeking advice, know exactly what you need and identify the most qualified person to ask. I know that seems obvious, but some folks seek advice without forethought, while others seek advice from people based on convenience or proximity or ask the same people again and again — because it’s easy.
Step 1. Know what you want. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll never find it. Are you looking for:
Information. Are you fact gathering?
Counsel. Are you looking for an opinion?
Guidance. Are you looking for direction or help identifying available options?
Support. Are you looking for a sounding board?
Assistance. Are you looking for someone to lend a hand?
Recommendation. Are you looking for a reference?
Blessing. Are you looking for a reality check?
Instruction. Are you looking for how-to help?
Suggestions. Are you looking for ideas?
Step 2. Determine the key qualifications of an advisor.
My goal isn’t to provide you with an exhaustive list of qualifications, but rather to demonstrate how an advisor’s qualifications can impact the advice they give. Here are several qualifications for you to consider:
Subject-matter expert. Possesses in-depth knowledge of a specific area.
Trusted friend. Enjoys an intimate knowledge of you and your preferences.
Like-minded person. Shares similar beliefs and values.
Strong moral character. Possesses a strong need to do what’s right.
Extensive experience. Knows the challenges and obstacles that you may face.
Objectivity. Views all sides of an issue in an unbiased manner.
Successful or unsuccessful track record. Knows what works, what doesn’t.
Sound judgment. Offers keen insight and age-old wisdom.
Perspective. Plays devil’s advocate. Possesses a viewpoint different from yours.
Similar demographic. Understands your situation firsthand.
Vested interest. Has skin in the game.
A Word to the Wise
If you ask several people with different traits for advice, each one will offer guidance based on their unique perspective. For example, if you ask someone with subject-matter expertise, someone with knowledge of your preferences, and someone who is an objective third party, you’ll receive advice from three vantage points. That’ll give you three different ways to view your situation.
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is treating advice as gospel and following it blindly. Before acting on any recommendation, know the rationale. If it’s sound, their advice may be sound. If not, it may be time to get a second opinion. It’s also important that advice not be taken as all or nothing — feel free to cherry-pick good points.
Last, but not least, listen only to those you know and trust. There are many people who profess to be gurus or who are out to sell you a bill of goods. Take their advice with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s never wise to seek advice merely to avoid making decisions yourself. It’s your life to live. Own it! Make good choices. Remain true to your values. And accept responsibility for your behavior. Consider the advice of others, but trust yourself in the end.
If You Could Give Your “Younger Self” One Piece of Advice What Would It Be?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think or share it with someone who can benefit from the information.
Additional Reading:
28 Common Decision-Making Mistakes to Avoid
How Do You See the World Around You?
45 Questions Every Leader Should Answer
If you like this article, subscribe to our blog so that you don’t miss a single post. Get future posts by RSS feed, email or Facebook. It’s FREE.
Great post, thank you
Thanks Al. I’m so glad you like it 🙂
Best
Frank
To my younger-self:
Don’t avoid decision-making out of fear, and practice on things that will not have a huge impact if it should not be the right decision. This will build your self-confidence and allow you to get to know yourself better. Will pay off with time!
Hi Josée
You bring up a very important point.
Don’t wake up one day and regret that you didn’t pursue your dreams because you let fear or procrastination get in your way. Remember, if you don’t try, you forfeit the opportunity.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
To my younger self, i wish i made my own mistakes not trying to please everybody just because i wanted them to see me as a good person. i wish i learnt all the hand crafts that am struggling to learn now.
Good point Mercy. Trying to live up to everyone’s expectations is very common. It’s important to find the right balance. If we focus too much on making others happy, we may end up sacrificing our own happiness.
Good luck with the hand crafts. It’s never too late to learn 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank
Frank, This is sent me by another professor here. Such great practical steps and thought process. With your permission, may I shrare this with my students at Durham College. Many are foreign students and they would find this to be a powerful guide.
Regards
Alwyn
Sure thing, Alwyn. I’d be honored 🙂 If you want to send your students an email with the link, that’s perfect, If you use it as a handout, please make sure to include my copyright notice ( © 2017 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.)
BTW, if your students want to receive my posts each week, for free, they can do so via Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+ or email. The instructions is contained in the post below.
https://www.franksonnenbergonline.com/blog/many-thanks-for-your-support/
Best,
Frank
To my younger self:
Be yourself. Make decisions yourself. Set money aside, no less than 10%.
This article is a gold-mine. In the past, i have taken so much advice from others. Never questioned their expertise. I never trusted myself. I’d read books on how to be more like other people. How weird is that? I’m 33 now, took me years to find out that all i had to do is be myself. Make my own decisions, whether their good or bad, they’re yours. Own it. There’s a freedom in that.
Hi Ziggy
Thanks for your kind words. I’m so glad you like this post.
I’ve gotten some great advice from folks. The key is to not follow it blindly. (Before acting on any recommendation, know the rationale.)
On another note, you’re right on point when you say, All I have to do is be myself. Make my own decisions, whether they’re good or bad, they’re mine. Own it.
Some people never learn that life lesson. I’m glad you learned it at 33 years old.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Best,
Frank