Some people have an “unfair advantage” in the marathon race called life. This advantage will enable them to climb the ladder quickly and enjoy all the benefits that success offers. You may be thinking that these lucky folks won’t earn their achievements; that they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth and are being given assistance that only a few receive. Welcome to the world of the haves and have-nots.
The fact is, the “unfair advantage” that will give these folks their head start can be found in the strong foundation they are receiving: nurturing parents or caregivers, access to a good education, wonderful role models to emulate, and an upbringing that embraces good values. Everything they achieve later in life will build on this foundation and is earned through their own hard work and effort.
Although some may think that money can buy a good foundation, nothing could be further from the truth –– it requires love and dedication. The fact is, a good education isn’t solely the responsibility of a teacher . . . it requires a partnership between the school and the family. Setting a good example doesn’t happen overnight . . . it requires a commitment to be a good role model day in and day out. Good values aren’t learned by magic . . . they require consistent reinforcement and commitment. These aren’t gifts of the wealthy, but of the caring.
A Foundation for Success Doesn’t Happen By Chance
Providing a good foundation is easier said than done. After an exhausting day at work, it’s easier to stare at the TV than review your child’s homework; when your kid does something wrong, it’s easier to let it slide than to be the “bad guy” and discipline him or her; when your kid is surrounded by bad influences, it’s easier to look the other way, than to confront the issue head-on; and when your child meets defeat, it’s easier to “blame the world” rather than help your child accept responsibility and learn from the setback.
The difference between the haves and have-nots is dependent on the foundation that we provide our kids. Here’s what it takes:
Nurturing. Parenting is not a part-time job. Children require continual encouragement and support. Parents are the cheerleaders who provide hope and optimism for the future.
Personal sacrifice. Parents are selfless people willing to forgo a great deal to benefit their children. They dream of offering their children a better life than they had.
Discipline. Parents know that disciplining a child is not easy. Although it’s rarely appreciated, it’s often in the child’s best interest.
Personal responsibility. Parents know that it takes a village to raise a child, but they do not outsource responsibility for building a good foundation for their kids. They also teach their children to accept responsibility for their actions and choices.
Empathy. Parents teach kids that success is the result of hard work. And although occasional disappointment is inevitable, they shouldn’t let it derail the journey. Parents are always there to provide a ray of sunshine when the sky fills with clouds.
Inner voice. When kids grow up, they hear their parent’s voice in their subconscious. Make sure the words they hear offer positive messages.
Setting an example. Parents know their behavior will be emulated. Therefore, they can instill good personal values and a strong work ethic by serving as exemplary role models. Furthermore, they know that friends and family, teachers and pastors, celebrities and athletes, and even video games, movies, and music influence behavior. Are they a good or bad influence?
Family. The family provides a child with roots, much-needed structure, and unconditional love. Families also provide their children with a happy home –– a place where a child is always safe and welcome.
The Most Rewarding Experience of a Lifetime
It’s hard for parents to measure the result of their hard work in weeks, months, or even years. But one day your children will grow up and you’ll see that your efforts paid off. You’ll take great pride in knowing that you raised well-adjusted kids. They’re honest and ethical, ambitious and self-reliant, hardworking and disciplined, compassionate and modest. They have strong moral character, impeccable values, and a sense of purpose. They’re going to go places in life, and you played a pivotal role in building their foundation for success.
Although you won’t see fireworks lighting the sky, there’s nothing more gratifying than seeing what you’ve accomplished. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” That’s what parenting is all about, isn’t it? Your parents did it for you, and your children will do the same thing for their children. Some people ask what success is . . . well now you know. You raised great kids. And because of your love and dedication, they have a bright future ahead of them. Yes . . . there is a difference between the haves and have-nots. Because of you, your kids have it all.
What Do You Think?
Additional Reading:
Kids Don’t Come with an Instruction Manual
The Many Faces of Greed
There’s More to Life than Money
Killing People with Kindness
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Hi Frank,
Thanks for the inspiring article. I couldn’t help think of the scene from the movie , “As Good As It Gets “, when Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt & Greg Kinnear are sitting in car scene discussing their childhood memories & Jack Nicholson points out that it wasn’t all picnics with noodle salads for him!
I suppose that most people will agree that their parents did the best that they could; however , let’s face it- we live in an imperfect world and even in an environment filled with family support & love – we still face opposition & heartache on some level. I agree with your article on so many levels; however , just wanted to point out that there is still hope for those who possibly didn’t have the environment of the “haves “. Yes, maybe a more difficult foundation cut off from a loving family can sometimes help shape us and define us of what we don’t want our children to experience in their lives as a motivating factor !
Thanks:)
Cindy
Hi Cindy
Thanks, as always, for your thoughts. Yes…”even in an environment filled with family support & love – we still face opposition & heartache.” I think they call that life. The key is that overcoming adversity gives life meaning and helps to build character. I’m not trying to imply that parents should walk on water … but it helps to have a goal to shoot for.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
This article conjured up many feelings for me…
I know you believe that everything starts from our parents, but for those who don’t have the role models, the nurturing parents, the empathy or the voice, for those kids, they have to make their own way, they sometimes have to get lost to be found, they have to mess up to make good. It is through the tribulations of life that everyone experiences life and living.
The Haves might have something that Have not’s don’t but at the end of the day.
We all end up the same?
Don’t we?
We all want the same?
Don’t we?
The richest are lonely, the poorest are needy.
The richest are frustrated, the poorest are disappionted.
The richest want to be valued, the poorest want to be seen.
All of us regardless of our past – at certain point of our lives will stand together facing the same end.
Thanks for a beautiful post that really made me think and feel.
Frank you add so much to our lives. THANK YOU.
Lolly
Hi Lolly
You’re right …”for those who don’t have the role models, the nurturing parents, the empathy or the voice, for those kids, they have to make their own way.” And, some of these kids end up superstars. They have the inner strength to fill the void that was left. Other kids, however, aren’t so lucky.
I believe the most important thing that we can do for kids is give them a foundation that’ll lead to happiness and success. That requires nurturing parents or caregivers, access to a good education, wonderful role models to emulate, and an upbringing that embraces good values.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Fantastic stuff. May be your best yet my friend. I am honored to be able to share it. augie
Thanks so much for your encouragement and support Augie. I’m SO glad you like it.
Have an awesome day!
Best,
Frank
Not yet having children this article still spoke to me about both the potential hardships and moments of elation that parenthood brings to oneself.
It leaves me to wonder about those individuals that have received all the “have” making experiences yet still have become “have-nots.”
Although, I do believe that if parents portray the traits you listed then their child might not become the next billionaire, but will find fulfillment and happiness.
Looking forward to all that parenthood brings.
Hi Ariel
Given the chance, would you want your kids to be unhappy billionaires or happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids who lead a comfortable life?
Money can buy material possessions, but it can’t buy close relationships, peace of mind, or fond memories. It is a parent’s responsibility to give their kids access to a good education, wonderful role models to emulate and an upbringing that embraces good values. These are the building blocks that’ll serve their kids for the rest of their life. That’s what parenting is all about.
Best,
Frank
“Good values … aren’t gifts of the wealthy, but of the caring.” How incredibly accurate. How often has our life been strongly influenced by someone because they taught us something morally valuable? Now compare that to the influence money has had on our values. There’s just no comparison. Thanks so much for bringing this wisdom front and center, Frank.
Hi Rossana
You hit the nail right on the head, “How often has our life been strongly influenced by someone because they taught us something morally valuable? Now compare that to the influence money has had on our values.” Perfect Rossana. I couldn’t say it better myself. Building a great foundation for kids requires love and dedication. These aren’t gifts of the wealthy, but of the caring.
Have a great day!
Best,
Frank
You’re spot on with what you share with us Frank.
The first seven years of a childs life is utmost important in what we impart (invest) in them that will determine how they’ll face life and what they’ll become in it.
I agree with Lolly. Some kids do have the privilege to be adequately nurtured and equipped by their parents, where others don’t or have no parents for that matter and it’s our responsibility to reach out to these kids by embracing them and invest in them to give them the same love and nurturing as we give unto our kids, where they too can feel valued and appreciated.
Thanks for this inspiring and informative post.
Regards,
Glenn
Thanks Glenn I’m so glad you like the post
Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences of a lifetime, but bringing a child into the world also carries significant responsibility. Parenting is not a part-time job nor can responsibility for raising kids be delegated to others. Parenting requires around the clock love, dedication and sacrifice. When we bring a child into the world he or she must become our first priority. Period.
Although we can look to others such as family and friends, teachers, religious leaders etc. to supplement our efforts, I believe we can’t expect them to give our kids the same kind of love and attention that we provide.
It is important to note that we should do everything in our power to reach out to those less fortunate than ourselves and support them in every way that we can, but nothing can take the place of a loving and dedicated parent… the buck stops with us.
Thanks for advancing the conversation Glenn.
Have a great day.
Frank
Hi Frank:
You are right that the advantage is a loving home, and teaching children to be good people above all else. Doing things the hard way, like pushing past your tiredness to help your kids, bring so many rewards for the parents! I will never forget all the laughs, and the loving cards they made me. Treating the kids like they were smart enough to understand why I wouldn’t let them do something, meant they would later express how they appreciated the guidance, and even thanked me for it. The most amazing part was to see that when my children’s needs are met, even as children themselves they would almost “parent” other children who weren’t as fortunate, and take them under their wings! Thanks for sharing this post!
Hi Ann
When I read your note I could picture you smiling from ear to ear. As you say, “pushing past your tiredness to help your kids, bring so many rewards for the parents! I will never forget all the laughs, and the loving cards they made me.” The truth is, we give our kids so much of ourselves, but they give back so much MORE in return.
Thanks for sharing.
Have a great day!
Frank
Fantastic post Frank.
I wish I’d had the kind of nurturing you mentioned above. It would have given me a foundation to build on instead of having to build the foundation before I could build. I did the next best thing. I gave MY kids that foundation. I don’t blame my parents for giving me what they had (although for years I did, and was held back needlessly.) Watching what my kids have been able to accomplish from a stable foundation and even more, how far ahead my grandchildren are already has been worth every bit of hard work and sacrifice.
One decision can change the course of generations. It only takes one generation to right the wrongs of many previous generations. One person can make a difference. Making the decision to give my children the childhood I wished I’d had has made all the difference. Having the childhood I had made that choice possible so in the end I wouldn’t change a thing.
Hi Anita
BRAVO! What a wonderful story… You gave of yourself so that your kids could have a better life than yourself. As you say, “It only takes one generation to right the wrongs of many previous generations.” You gave them a wonderful gift and you received so much in return –– being able to watch them grow up to be happy and successful.
Thanks so much for sharing and for advancing the conversation.
Have an awesome weekend!
Best,
Frank
Excellent article and I will be sharing!
Our society has become so performance based that many move from task to task not fully realizing there is so much more.
As a coach for over thirty years, I’ve always enjoyed coaching others to coach themselves and in the process, I know they will be paying it forward to others in their life (whether it be my wellness or racquetball coaching).
I remember overhearing my teenage daughter talking to one of her friends and she said “well, my mom says…”. WOW – if a teenager is listening and repeating what you say, apparently anyone can. Point, the immediate satisfaction is not what will be remembered years later.
Hi Lucy
“Give a man a fish as you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” It’s so simple yet so profound. By embracing that coaching style, “coaching others to coach themselves” you’re helping others be successful throughout life. Awesome!
Furthermore, isn’t it wonderful … it’s hard to know if our kids really listen to our “words of wisdom” until you hear the same advice being given by them. It shows you that your love and dedication makes a real difference.
Thanks for sharing.
Best,
Frank