The Top 20 Reasons People Quarrel

Having an argument isn’t exactly anyone’s idea of a good time. And yet, they seem to be a common occurrence, both at home and at work. By pinpointing the main triggers of disagreement, you might be able to steer clear of conflicts altogether. According to an unscientific poll, most people quarrel for the same reasons.

Raised voices are rarely heard.

20 Root Causes of Conflict

From communication breakdowns to divergent values, 20 root causes of conflict fuel the flames of discord. Understanding these fundamental triggers is essential for managing interpersonal relationships…

Insensitive. Some people are self-centered and focus solely on their own needs.

Demeaning. Some folks look down their nose at people and treat them with disrespect.

Moody. Some people run hot and cold. You’re never sure which one of them will show up that day.

Narrow-minded. Some folks with different cultural backgrounds and life experiences may find themselves facing misunderstandings and disagreements.

Judgmental. Some people have inflated egos and scrutinize everything that people do.

Competitive. Some folks always have to win — even if it’s at someone’s expense.

Opinionated. Some people are unabashedly outspoken. They constantly share their opinions, even if it’s not welcomed.

Spendthrift. Some folks with different perspectives on saving and spending can give rise to bickering about money.

Ungrateful. Some people are unappreciative and take everything for granted.

Selfish. Some folks are opportunists. They only show up when they need something.

Egotistical. Some people always have to be right — even when they’re not.

Unjust. Some folks show preferential treatment — which results in unfair treatment toward others.

Uncommunicative. Some people are icy, behaving in a distant and detached manner.

Dishonest. Some folks can’t be trusted. They distort facts, stretch the truth, and withhold key information.

Unreliable. Some people are so unpredictable, you’re never sure whether you can count on them.

Jealous. Some folks have an axe to grind with people who are successful.

Greedy. Some people are like sharks. All the oceans in the world won’t satisfy these eating machines.

Stubborn. Some folks are closed-minded and tend to reject anything new.

Power-hungry. Some folks are addicted to power — and will go to any length to secure more.

Unaligned. Some people, driven by diverse values or priorities, quarrel due to the pronounced disparities in their perspective.

We can’t expect others to abandon their values any more than we would forsake our own.

It’s Time to Stop Quarreling

Identifying the causes of conflict is half the solution; doing something about it is the other half. Avoiding arguments doesn’t require rocket science. It simply requires genuine desire and unwavering commitment.

Keep these thoughts in mind:

Listen not just to hear, but to truly understand.
Be patient. Your relationship depends on it.
Park your ego at the door. What is right is a lot more important than who is right.
Be respectful. Judge ideas not people.
Be open-minded and seek to understand other people’s perspectives.
Practice empathy by putting yourself in others’ shoes.
Embrace selflessness and be prepared to give of yourself.
Discover shared interests. Aim for mutual success rather than a zero-sum outcome.
Never win at the expense of a relationship.

Most of the things that we quarrel about are senseless, and usually the result of blowing off pent-up frustration, flaunting one’s self-importance, or wanting to be right. Next time you find yourself in a conflict, ask yourself if it’s worth fighting about. I’ll bet your response will be a resounding, No! The fact is, we quarrel about simple things that are inconsequential in the grand scheme of our lives. So, if you’re looking for a good fight, fight to fortify your relationships. As Anne Frank said, “I think it’s odd that grown-ups quarrel so easily and so often and about such petty matters. Up to now I always thought bickering was just something children did and that they outgrew it.”

Check out Frank’s new book, BECOME: Unleash the Power of Moral Character and Be Proud of the Life You Choose